The Life and Times of Aubrey Laurelin Noble

New Blog!

2010-12-01T19:33:00.000-08:00

I don't know if anyone still reads this blog, but if you do, I'm discontinuing it. I have a new blog at http://aubreydenton.blogspot.com/ . . . come and read! :D

Return of the Prodigal Blogger

2010-02-17T22:44:00.000-08:00

So, a dear friend of mine brought it to my attention today that I have not posted on my blog in SEVEN months. Making this blog pointlessly pathetic in my opinion. I've been terrible about consistently writing. It's like all bad habits - it starts gradually, and then you get to the point where you're not sure if it's even worth fixing. Where do I start after having neglected this for seven months?? I can't backtrack, because that would take foreeeeeeeehhhhhhhhever, and would be more discouraging than simply ignoring it would be. I've left big holes in my life fabric from July to February, and I'm not sure whether to scrap the whole piece of material or sew patches over what I've missed. Also, while I'm feeling metaphorically minded, I've got to add that I'm not sure if anyone is even INTERESTED in what I have to say - am I throwing my voice out into the abyss of the internet only to discover that my voice has no echo? Where's the fun in that?
But, at least Melodie will read this one, haha! And as another friend pointed out, I owe her some stories. And I shall do my best to share at least a few of them on this blog. Here's a bit of what I've been up to lately:

I'm going to try and refrain from too much girly gushing, because if you've got a special someone all you'll want to do is tell me about how wonderful YOUR special someone is, and if you don't have a special someone all you'll want to do is tell me why guys/girls are complete idiots. Ok, I'm generalizing. A bit. But to make a novel into a book-jacket summary, I've been dating someone since December. For those reading this who know me, maybe you just did a double take over this last sentence, since Aubrey-who's-refused-to-even-go-on-a-date-with-any-RM-who-hates-boys,men,guys,etc-who-has-been-a-brat-to-virtually-any-potential-guy-out-there has suddenly starting singing a different tune.
All I can say is, yes. Chris is incredible. The best guy I know, and my best friend, with whom I can share a relationship both comfortably solid and freshly exciting each new day. I'll spare both him and you by not telling the whole long novel of a story, leastways not now.
The above picture was from hiking at Usary Pass on President's Day. I've got pictures on Facebook from our Disneyland trip with his family, too. :)
As for other happenings -

I skipped over all the fall semester and all of the Christmas season and don't have a lot of time to rehash over it. Suffice it to say that it was brimming with music and friends and family and Chris and other such heartwarming happinesses. It was also full of Music Theory III (death by German-augmented-sixth-chords) that I barely survived, a performance at Leisure World that may just go down in history, and some kamakazi car moments. Good times.
Another bit o' news -
I'm in the operetta "Pirates of Penzance" at cgcc. The show is double cast, so I'm leading lady Mabel on some nights and a bumbling, fumbling, dancing British policeman (mustache and all) on off nights. It's been quite the learning experience in both roles. First of all, lead roles are not my thing. And on the other hand, dancing roles are not my thing either. (Yeah, maybe you're asking the same questions I am - "what the heck does she expect, if she's gonna try out for a musical?" Ummmm - I dunno. I'm not sure what possessed me to try out (maybe it was ever so slightly related to that fact that Chris was trying out. Lucky for me my boyfriend is my Frederick in the show, so we get to act across from each other, which makes it easier, and a LOT more fun. ;) So friends, If you'll be in town in March, I would HIGHLY recommend coming to see the show, because we've got an exceptional cast, . Don't be put off by the fact that it's an operetta. It's like any Broadway in its humor - the show's hysterical, folks - and if anything the different music style makes it all the more ridiculously funny.
Other tidbits -
Not much, unless you include all the other dry stuff - music classes, and job hunts, and teaching lessons, and losing bets, a random bike riding craze, a first time rapelling experience, and other little side adventures.
Anyway, for future adventures - and this time I mean it - I promise to keep ya posted! :)

Wicked!!

2009-07-14T22:46:00.000-07:00

This last week I got to see Wicked, courtesy of Rachel Huish as a birthday present (thank you thank you thank you thank you), and it was WONDERFUL SUPER FANTASTIC COOLNESS REMARKABLE AND GREEN! (and if any of you readers can catch what that snippet is from, brownie points to you, my friend). If you can't handle a music nerd's long-winded take on the production, then read no more. If, however, you actually care about a novice's likes and dislikes in this production, read on!
Rachel, Leilani and I went to see it, and we went out to Sweet Tomatoes before (thanks Leilani love!), then went to Gammage and had an amazing experience (I'll post pictures once I steal them from Rachel's camera).
Okay, so first of all. . . I want to be Donna Vivino. I love love love Elphaba. But to say some comments of actual substance: everyone always talks about how next to Idina Menzel, Eden Espinosa is the only other person worth watching as Elphaba, so I went in a little apprehensive. When I fall in love with someone's voice as a particular character (like Idina Menzel), it's difficult for me to even conceive of another voice filling those shoes. Additionally, it's apparently common knowledge that Eden Espinosa is the only other person who pulls off Elphaba as well as Idina Menzel. But I've listened to Eden's voice, and after last night, I beg to differ. Not that I don't love Eden's voice, she's got a fantastic Broadway voice. But it's not my conception of Elphaba, personally. Eden's voice (mostly when she's speaking, but sometimes when she's singing) sounds like she's trying to hard to darken the color of her voice, which is actually probably the perfect color when she leaves it alone - I think she's doing it to create a certain persona of Elphaba, but I don't find it to be my personal conception of Elphie. However, I've never heard her live, and surely that makes all the difference. Comparing Youtube videos to a live performance in Gammage is apples and oranges. But I digress. :)
Listening to her live, Donna Vivino was EXACTLY what I would've preferred on the cd IF I weren't perfectly satisfied with Idina. She has this clear, strong upper range that absolutely BLASTED me away on her first number, "The Wizard and I" (yes, I cried; no, it's not a sad song. I cry when I have too much emotion, happy or sad). She has a throbbing low range too (not as throbbing and heart-wrenching as Eden's, but more substance down there than Idina's, and to me the perfect balance for "I'm Not That Girl"). And her acting was exactly what I was hoping for - not too brassy, not too timid, not too darkly mature, and great character development throughout. He voice felt only so-so in her midrange, but as Elphaba, who cares about mid-range? It's ALL about The Belt. It's about the power and support on those last high-belted notes of both "Defying Gravity" and "No Good Deed"
Now, as for Katie Rose Clarke. . . honestly, she wasn't as good as Kristin Chenoweth, at least in her high range singing. But she was still very good. Her acting was exceptional, particularly because Glinda as a character is much more difficult that most think. One would assume that she is just a dumb blond, and that all it takes is someone who can act act silly and flirty. But the role of Glinda is much more complicated than that. She has to be a flirty blond, yes; but she has to be flirty without being ; she has to be catty but not to the point where it grates on the audience; she has to have give off the impression of having an obnoxious voice without actually having an obnoxious voice when she sings (having both is fine for a song like "Popular", but would absolutely kill "No One Mourns the Wicked"); and she has to have enough depth as an actress to show her conflicting emotions and development - it's not a switch from good to bad at the end, it's a gradual mixing of the two sides of her personality, a much more true-to-life change. So, lots of things to bear in mind as an actress, and I feel that Katie was most excellent, even if her singing didn't match the Chenoweth conception of Glinda.
Let's see, who else? I was disappointed in Fiyero, actually. His singing style didn't fit his music - he had a kind of 90s boyband sound (think N-Sync) that was nice-n-passable on "Dancing Through Life" but put a big damper on "As Long As You're Mine". Meh. Well, he's not a character of much substance to begin with, so we can gloss over it, right?
The supporting cast was great. The costumes were supremely Ozian, and the sets were a nice balance between an entire elaborate world in the background, to a few scenes with vague settings to keep it from getting too overwhelming. And as for the effects . . . no words for the thrill that went through my throat as Elphaba rose in the air in Defying Gravity. I'm not a stage crew person, so I surely don't appreciate the amount of effort that went into making the Time Dragon move and glow red, or Glinda's iron bubble.
But really. The show was, well wicked. Wicked incredible. I need to see real stage productions more often. I'm so glad I got this opportunity to see this show, and I highly recommend it to anyone who can see it.

"Hi. My name is Aubrey Noble ("hello Aubrey") and I'm an internetholic.

2009-06-19T17:02:00.001-07:00

Heh. Already the evil Internet gods stand in the way of my blog posting. My Internet is down since right after my last blog post. Is this how a smoker feels when he goes cold turkey? I'm pathetic. Threeish days without Internet and I can't handle not checking my email and end up at my grandmother's house scrabbling through gmail, blogger, picasa, and facebook. Ah, the joys of our technologyoverdosedpsychoovertimulated society.
But I try not to be an addict - time wise, that is. But checking my email and facebook for five minutes every morning is as much a part of my routine as brushing my teeth after breakfast.
Kino pool's been all redone. I spent two hours with the kids there today - um, wayyy more entertaining than it used to be, now it's actually a nannying tool!
Random pet peeve of the day. Nanny. I just don't like that word. Do I look like a nanny? The word has a crotchety old person sort of feel. But then again, I don't sit on children, either. So if not a babysitter or a nanny, what do you call One Who Nurtures Kids Not Their Own? Any thoughts?
Random happy thought. Now, I'm not one to enjoy exercise. But when the track is suspended up in the air, and when you can endlessly climb the rockclimbing wall, what's not to love? Freestone Rec Center is my new place to exercise. Happy days.

Wuote of the day: "You can't have everything. Where would you put it?"
Steven Wright is a great comedian.

Top Five Reasons Aubrey's Neglected Her Blog

2009-06-16T09:57:00.000-07:00

5. Rachel Huish got married to Cody Harper!!

Seriously, it's a big deal. Letting/Helping/AidingandAbetting Marrying off your best friend can be a distraction from the keeping up on blog posting. As it should be. Because you can only throw a shower, pick up bouquets, kidnap her for a last girls night, and buy Betta fish table displays once ever for her. :)
On a serious note, I am so happy for Rachel and Cody. Those who think they know me know that I love to show horror at the thought of marriage. But those who reallllly know me also know that I am so deeply happy when someone finds someone to love and grow with for eternity. It's what it's all about, really. I'm so grateful for Rachel in my life; she is one of my dearest friends

4. Nathan came home!!

My brother Nathan came home from his mission!!!! He got home from Morrisstown New Jersey (Spanish speaking mission) on the 9th, and we spent the time before that getting ready for him. Now, we've used the last week and some to spend as much time with him as possible.
It’s great having him home! Now we get to see all his mission pictures, and hear stories he didn’t tell before so as not to scare us (eating roasted guinea pigs and fried crickets, scary situations in scary parts of town, etc). Nate and I spent all Saturday evening listening to old recordings we made and cracking up. It feels glorious to have him back. Just as much, it's glorious that he's spent two years serving the Lord and sharing the Gospel, and has returned with honor. Having him home is a little odd too. I know he’s doing his best to readjust - to not get out of the car and help back it up according to mission rules, to not have appointments and companion planning, to be around his friends (and girl friends) again. But he’s both missing his mission and glad to be home.

3. My work schedule has filled up.
Sorry, no pictures yet, maybe soon!
Work as a nanny is finally picking up! Whereas before I was just working a day or two a week and a couple nights a week, I now have a full work week, a 7 to 6 schedule (below the legal limit of pay, but hey, it's a job) Mon-Fri, and even later on some evenings. I love it. :)

2. I've been keeping a journal

I finally got around to doing what the prophets have asked us to do in keeping a personal journal. Amazingly, I've been writing daily. But it makes me think less and less of posting on a public blog and more and more of writing all my silly thoughts where no one else can read them. :P

1. I'm a lazy perfectionist.

I admit it. Number one reason that I haven't gotten on to just post a little paragraph update before falling in to bed at night is that I'm lazy. I don't like leave a half-baked job, so if I can't do the full thing well, I'm too lazy to start at all.

I will try to be more consistent in posting. . . but at this point, I don't even know if anyone reads this blog anymore, so we'll see if it is worth it!

Auditions, Performances, and Other Updates

2009-04-06T16:08:00.001-07:00

Yes, I know. I haven't touched my blog in about a month. And now that I do touch it, it's not to throw gems of lovely writing from my fingertips with a flourish - it's to rattle off a grocery list of all I've been up to lately! If you are here to read powerful prose from a deep-thinking mind, look elsewhere. If you're interested in the mundane doings of my life, then I thank you for your sympathy. Read on! :)
First of all - auditions! I auditioned for April Ann at Hale Centre Theatre - 'tis a musical with only one young female character, the lead. I made callbacks, but not the part. However, it was a good experience - I got out all the jitters of the audition process, and will be prepared to audition there again for Beauty and the Beast ("I am Madame de la Grande Bouche! Perhaps you've heard of me?"). I also auditioned for a musical scholarship a few days before that, but due to having pink eye (both eyes swollen shut while you sing does NOT win you points in stage presence) and a bit of a sore throat, I didn't do so well.
In other areas musical - I've sung at Velda Rose Methodist Church for the 45th anniversary, missed one jazz concert (forehead slap) and attended another one, been part of a jazz and choir festival, and will have another choral concert tomorrow night. Plus, Alisha, Audrey and I had the chance to go and see my cousin Laura in the "King and I", which was surprisingly wonderful!
Last Tuesday, I also played Dorothy in my ward roadshow! What started out as a little skit evolved over the past few weeks into a full out roadshow with backdrops, songs, costumes, and almost six inch (yes, I measured them) sparkly red heels. Amazingly, I didn't crash into anything, knock anyone over, or break an ankle. I'm feeling quite smug, truth be told. The show went really well - I love the ladies in my ward.
Other news from the grocery list of Aubrey's life - went on dates with Chris Taylor and Brandon Fine, two great guys; got wonderful letters from Samuel Hord and some other missionaries over the last month; visited the dinosaur museum on Main Street with my family; missed what would've been an great catchup with Emily Smith (next time, I'll plan better. We will not fail next time, haha); and was able to listen to an absolutely incredible General Conference! However, I'm not going to post about what I learned here - posting about conference on Mormon blogs never works that well, seriously. Those who saw it already know, those who didn't can watch it online, and if you really want my opinion or the rundown from me, give me a call and I would love to talk to you personally about it :)
So, that's the latest from me! Maybe next time I'll have something creative to write about.

Current Music: "Jai Ho" from Slumdog Millionaire. Still need to get an edited copy of this, if anyone knows where I can let me know. I really really really wanna see this movie!
Quote of the Day: “You never know whose eyes God is watchin’ you through. It probably aint’ gonna be your preacher and it just might be someone who was liven like I used to.” - Denver Moore, in "Same Kind of Different As Me". I just finished reading this true story and really, really liked it.

Is it legal to buy stingrays as pets? Just wondered.

2009-03-08T15:30:00.001-07:00

So here's the latest rundown on what's new in my life:

This week we helped my neighbors demolish their kitchen to redo it - I don't know WHY they chose to trust me, but if you can imagine me with a sledgehammer smashing cabinets and tabletops. . . Mwahahaha! It was more fun than I thought it would be.
I moved to a different day and time (7:20 on Mo/Wed) for institute, and the class is all on learning to more effectively study and use the scripture. There are just four people in the class, and it feels like a study group rather than a school class - I feel like I'm learning more than I ever have in a Gospel class, and it's only been three weeks. I love it!
I sang with Devin Timothy, Allie Davis, and Dallin Stone in Dallin's ward today. I think it went fairly well, although Alli and I accidentally changed the words - in the same place, luckily! Ah well, I doubt anyone caught it.
The week before that was my little brother's birthday party at the zoo. Remind me NEVER EVER to volunteer to babysit a handful of 10 to 12 year old boys at the zoo. Unless you would like me to drop them into the enclosures with the animals!
Okay, I exaggerate. It was a blast. But still. See, the whole setup was an Indiana Jones treasure hunt, with clues (poems, pictures, codes, etc) placed strategically at different places throughout the zoo all leading to the next one. But the deal was that I need to place a clue, hide, wait until they came in sight (that way I knew they would get the clue, and no one would take it, especially since some of the clues were edible), and then go to the next one while they searched, found and pondered the clue. All very well in theory. But little boys are FAST. I had barely placed a clue and gotten out of sight before the whole honkin' herd of 'em came thundering round the bend, leaving me to book it as fast as I could to the next location and not get caught. They definitely kept me on my toes.
Boys eat a LOT, too. At the picnic lunch, one of them challenged me to a pizza eating contest. Pshaw, think I. I have a larger stomach than this kid, I can take him on, he's a shrimpy little twelve year old. And I often throw up when I overeat, so it won't be too bad if I lose.
Well, I lost. And somehow I didn't throw up, either. Lucky me.
But the day was not a loss. The boys and animals (are they one and the same?) were actually a lot of fun. AND Leilani and I were able to pet the sting rays! Bologna!! Okay, that's what we assumed they would feel like. But instead, it was a spongy, velvety sort of feel. I think they LIKE to be petted, honestly. They kept swimming over to the edges and if our hands didn't reach them, they would swim higher. I had the wildest urge to jump in the pool and feel them swimming around my legs. But I figured such behavior would get me thrown out faster than I could say "Look, Cownoses and Nurse Sharks and Horseshoe Crabs, oh my!" If I'm ever rich enough, I will get a pool of stingrays just for that purpose. ;)

Quote of the Day: "Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings." - Even Esar (Once I heard this quote I started noticing how true it is. It was worrisome.)
Current Music: "Frostiana: The Pasture" by Mormon Tabernacle Choir (ah, Frostiana. Choose Something Like a Star. Ninth Grade, Harmony. Love love love).

Smile, It Enhances Your Face Value

2009-02-25T12:30:00.001-08:00

I haven't written anything here in a while. My life is BORING. Well, unless you count my car dying in the middle of a Phoenix intersection, and being pushed to safety by burly bikers while the decent middle class people flipped me off. Or unless you count getting into cat fights with other sopranos who think that the world revolves around their high B-flats and their interpretation of Brahms. Or unless you count (though I don't) living vicariously through my friends branching out on such adventures as marriage (I try not to hyperventilate for Andilyn, Kristin, Emily, and Heidi) and missions (I try not to be jealous of Trevor and Chris this last week). OR unless you count driving down the highway and finding the perfect hill for watching the sunset. Or unless you count learning to play pool, and learning to juggle (never tried either before this week. I'm atrocious).
Yep. That sums up the current state of affairs. I think I'm in need of another adventure. Actually, really, I need someone to have an adventure with. Life seems to be moving on without me. Friends are moving and married and missioning. And me? Well, It's not that I'm not moving on. Just not as fast, and not as far. Or if I am, it is in a different direction from the people I most enjoy. I'm really not the type that wants to be daring and out there; I consider myself a fairly security-oriented person. But I want to be doing worthwhile things in a memorable way. With worthwhile people who think I'm worthwhile.
This week, I applied to win a humanitarian mission to India on the radio (yes, you read that right). Hopefully it works out. I just need to DO something extraordinarily memorable. Extraordinarily soon.

Quote of the Day: "We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give." Winston Churchill
Current Music: "The Chain" by Ingrid Michaelson

Symphony Tickets

2009-02-04T10:13:00.000-08:00

Just to let yall know. . .
I have two tickets for the Phoenix Symphony tomorrow night, and I can't use them anymore. First two people to contact me can have them for free. Just let me know, mmkay?

How My Life Fell Apart And Pulled Back Together Once Again: The Power of Prayers

2009-01-21T08:35:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry my last post was so cryptic. I just reread and realized, wow, I didn't explain anything that was going on. So, here is a basic version of what's been going on lately.
First of all, I am a coward.
I know that when I am around my friends, I am very outgoing, outspoken, and every so often, charismatic. But put me in a public setting where I am required to prove my worth, and I freeze up into a dull cardboard cutout. The reason this has been such a big problem is because I needed a job. Badly. Yet every time I go and fill out an application or sit through an interview, I get so scared that once I'm alone I throw up or cry or have a panic attack. I get really scared of trying to prove that I'm better than any competition for a position because quite frankly, I don't feel like I am. So it's been nigh impossible for me to secure a job.
Well, I put the job business on the backburner. Bad idea. Especially when you are a poor college student not smart enough for academic scholarships and a music scholarship that is only awarded halfway through the semester, who has to register and pay for classes within days.
Second of all, I am sometimes a pushover.
Those of you who know me well know that for the past several years, my mother and I have taught a children's performing group called "The J-Street Singers". It's been a blast. I love the children, I love the music, I love so many things about it. I thought it was a good way to make money from what I'm good at, along with voice/violin lessons. But each semester, we lose more and more money. (I'm not very good at making people pay me. A lot of my students were there on trade-offs - "I'll teach your child/children, and you make me homemade bread, or salsa, or babysit my kids, or give free tumbling classes to Joy," etc.) The other half consists of some paying students and over a dozen little relatives, who of course get in free, it's the family way. So, what with paying backstage help, buying costumes, and of course the time put into it that could be used to get a job, we decided that it was not a good use of our time or money to be teaching this semester. And any voice/violin students who couldn't pay had to stop taking, which KILLED me. I've never ever said no to anyone who has wanted to learn from me before. It may sound silly, but it's been hard for me. This is the first time in years where I haven't been teaching these classes. To be honest, I've felt a little lost. Plus, the little money made from teaching is gone, which ought to have given me all the more oomph to go out into the real world and get a job.
But I didn't. I don't know why I didn't push myself harder, especially when my dad threatened to throw me out and I would need to have enough income to live away from home. I guess it goes back to being a coward. And being lazy, thinking, "It'll work out, I'll do it, just not right now."
Anyway, I needed a down payment for school. And with a jolt I realize, it's the end of December, and I don't have enough set aside for classes. I should've seen that coming, right? I did, I guess I just didn't realize how soon. Christmas ate my life, my time, and my money.
So, the next logical choice would be to just stop going to school and work to earn money. In fact, my dad told me that if I didn't have a job within a week I'd be out on my own. But I just didn't want to drop school! I want to learn and grow at school, I want to pursue higher education! I've seen from the example of others that when you drop out of school to deal with life, life never will get easier so it often doesn't help. And the longer you wait, the harder it is. I just knew in my gut that if I dropped out of school I wouldn't end up going back, just like my dad and my mom and a host of other people who I know have always regretted the decision.
So I jump back into the job search, and continue to have tears and panic attacks and still, no job. The days thundered on closer and closer to January 16, the day to pay.
January 16th comes. Still no job, no money, no school, and soon no home. Add on top of this the stress of some falling-apart-but-still-important-to-me relationships, a broken-down car, a missing driver's license, some church responsibilities, strained relationship with my father, missing some loved ones who are far away, an overall feeling of worthlessness from no one hiring me, and I was pretty much a wreck. I know, I know. Other people have dealt with MUCH worse in pursuing education/life; heck, I myself have been through much, much, much bigger problems before and not felt this bad. So why was I reacting this way? I think it's because I've never before had a problem felt so entirely my fault, in my control, and yet still a mess.
Of course, I'd been praying this whole time, but I never prayed so hard as I did that morning. I told the Lord I'd slacked but repented and tried to fix it, and that I'd done my best with what time I'd had left. I just put it in His hands.
And, as I got up from my knees, the phone rang.
It was Rebecca Wilcox, asking if I would like to teach her four-year-old daughter the violin. I've never taught someone so young, but I think, why not? Then she says "I don't like making monthly payments; can I just pay you for the whole semester upfront?" Had to sit down to keep from hyperventilating. Yes! $120.00.
Then, after hanging up my phone and on my knees in thanks, there's a knock at the door. Out of the blue, a student from last semester who had not paid me and owed me money is standing there with a check in her hand. $42.00.
After shutting the door, I was in tears of gratitude. A down payment for the semester is $200.00, I only needed forty more dollars.
And then I discover I already have $40.00. My mom had transferred money into my account as a thank-you payment for teaching piano lessons to my little brother and sister. $56.00.
It gets better. :)
So, I think, this is incredible! But dare I register for school if I don't know if I can afford to pay off the rest, if I don't have a job in time? Because my car had just been fixed, I was finally able to drive down to a place where I'd applied and in fact been hired, but couldn't actually take the job due to some conflicts with the training classes. But I was able to attend some of the evening classes now, but couldn't get a hold of them. Their number, office, everything had literally disappeared. So I drive down to the strip mall, walk in next door, and ask what happened to the ABC 1-on-1 Office. Turns out, it was them. They had a new name (A Special Connection) and a new office, but was the same company and they still wanted to hire me!
So now I am in training and have secured a part-time job offering respite care to parents with handicapped children. My car is working again. I am teaching voice and violin lessons again, to not my usual 4 students, but 8 students. Even now as I am writing this, I am at school in between classes. And I can continue living at home for the rest of the semester.
I KNOW that the power of prayer is what saved me here. I could not have done this without the prayers of friends too, so I just want to say thank you so much for that. The Lord changes lives, we just have to ask and act. Elder Bednar said something along these lines in his recent fireside here: "We more readily receive spiritual guidance and help from the Lord when we are pressing forward rather than standing still." This experience has truly reminded me how mindful God is of each one of us, and as we come to Him and put forth our best effort, He takes care of the rest.

Quote of the Day: "Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope. … Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, … and endure to the end, … thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life” - 2 Nephi 31:20
Current Music: "Pressing On" by Relient K, and "Innocent" by Stellar Kart

Help

2009-01-15T19:35:00.001-08:00

If anyone reads this -
I don't like asking this, but I think I need prayers right now: please pray that I can be brave and do the things I need to do so that I don't wreck my entire future because I've been a lazy, thoughtless coward.

Please, Lord. I don't deserve it right now. But please.

Disneyland

2009-01-12T12:40:00.001-08:00

For our Christmas present, our family went to Disneyland! It was a joint celebration, of sorts. First of all, it was our Christmas. Second, our last day there was Joy Noelle's 8th birthday, which was a blast for her. We also have a family tradition of going to Disneyland every time a child turns five. William won't be five for a few more months, but that's okay.
All 11 of us (our family plus my grandma and aunt) had the most amazing time! Okay, there were some sore feet and some chicken children (especially Santos, who got scared on any ride that went in the dark, whether it be Nemo or Peter Pan) and some long lines. But all in all, we had a great time.
Those who don't have little kids probably won't understand the thrill and magic of Disneyland, and why for a family trip it's preferable to places that might seem more fun, like Magic Mountain. But there is something special about seeing your four-year-old brother thrilling over the giant teacups, or your five-year-old sweetly and shyly running up to Minnie Mouse to give her a hug. Or your ten year old scream bloody murder for joy (um, yeah) when he rides the Tower of Terror.
We just had a wonderful time. A rare thing to happen on our family vacations, that.
I loved going to Disneyland too, for one main reason. I love feeling like I can fly. Whether that be Space Mountain or even the little-kidsy Peter Pan ride, I just crave that feeling.
Is it so wrong that I get tears in my eyes as I go Soarin' Over California? I swear that's what angels do in their spare time, just fly over the beautiful places in the world and look down at God's creations and call them good. Someday when I'm an angel, I'll just live that ride for real every once in a while.
Fine. I'm a sentimental, borderline-obsessed dreamer. Get over it.
Anyway, it was a very fun trip for everyone, and probably our last family vacation in a long time. If you want to see more pictures, you can look them up on Facebook.

Quote of the Day: "I would rather entertain and hope that people learned something than educate people and hope they were entertained." - Walt Disney

Current Music: The Chain (live from Webster Hall) by Ingrid Michaelson. I have no idea why this song has been holding some kind of fascination for me lately.

Aubrey's Top Ten of 2008

2008-12-30T19:39:00.000-08:00

I had the most amazing Christmas!! But while there are many wonderful things to write about, I would rather save writing about them for a moment when my attention span is longer and I can do them justice.
As it is, I just organized my picture folders, and it got me thinking about what would I consider the top ten events of the past year? So here they are, in pictures! Enjoy

1. Graduation
You only graduate once in your life, right? It's the summation of your high school career, with all its learning (and drama) and maturing (and drama) and friends (and drama) and good memories (and drama). Not to mention that it was a huge struggle to get there, because of trying to pass online Chemistry. That was quite the learning experience. I was blessed enough to have friends who pushed me through that class, every step of the way; friends who recognized how much I needed their help, but who also saw that this was something they couldn't do for me, or I would never be able to live with myself. Oh. *rereads last sentence* Not just Chemistry. All of high school, my friends did that for me, time and time again, in many different ways. I can never repay them. Just love them.
And graduation was the culmination. The sky dropped bucketloads of rain on us graduation night, but we graduated, as a class, together in the rain! What an experience!

(P.S. I only got two pictures on the field after graduating, it was so cold and wet. You should feel privileged Emily, to be in them, ha ha ha ;) )

2. Turning 18
Once again, it's a once-in-a-lifetime experience. You only become an adult once, I suppose. I didn't have some ginormous birthday bash or anything. BUT, I got my driver's permit and license (in the same month), got to play Calvinball, and got to run around Main Street like a maniac with my friends one more time. :)

3. Participating in 1856:The Musical
This was a huge experience for me! Through months of rehearsal and weeks of performing, I experienced and learned a great deal. Along with dancing, acting, and singing, I learned a valuable piece of American history; grew closer to my Savior by feeling the experiences and sacrifices of the early-day Saints; was able to share the Spirit through their inspiring story; enjoyed an incredible trip to Utah with my best friend and family; and made many new friends!

4. Prom
Not gonna lie, this was the best dance ever! First of all, I went with Trevor Cowan, who is one of the most amazing guys ever. Second of all, I faced a few deadly-frightening fears in our day activity at Six Flags Magic Mountain. I flew on Tatsu, managed to survive the loops on Screamer (don't ask why, but loops terrify me) and the Suicide Human Pendulum - the most amazing freefall. I was SO scared to go to Six Flags, and it turned out to be an incredible time with an incredible friend! Well, group of friends, too.
The dance itself was wonderful, too. From our John McCain paper-bag puppets, to the dance and dinner, to the after dance activities ("everything is connected to everything!"), it was one of the most enjoyable experiences of the year.

5. Summer Rainstorm
This summer, I had an experience so personal that I don't think that writing it here will be able to explain how it affected me so deeply. During a walk in a rainstorm, and while rescuing a drowning bird, I awoke to some important truths about myself and life. One of those that I can say here is that I have the right to pursue what I love in order to help others - not only the right, but the responsibility. It might sound simple to the point of silliness. But until that moment, I was afraid to allow myself to become who I want to be. I just didn't feel entitled to it. Somehow, that night, I took ownership of myself. I had to walk through a fiery furnace both before and after that night, but that night I saw things in my life a lot more clearly. It was a dark and stormy and beautiful night that I will always remember.

6. Girl's Camp
This year was my only year as a Junior Staff Member and my last year as a girl at Girl's Camp. Like graduation, it was a culmination of all my girl's camp experiences, most of which have helped me to grow and develop as a young woman, a leader, a teacher, and a follower of Christ. Those who have never been to girl's camp cannot understand the huge life lessons learned from its classes and rotations, its beautiful stars and its woods, its testimony meetings and hikes.
And if alongside all that deep and powerful learning comes some ridiculously fun girl nonsense, so much the better. :)
I will miss Camp LoMia so much. They told me I can come back and work in the kitchens when I am twenty-four or married. Whichever comes first. So not fair, to think that Emily Ellsworth is eligible to return next year and I am not. However, I feel blessed to have ended it on such a good note.

7. Going to college
Once again, this was a chance to face fears. I jumped from thinking I would not graduate, much less attending college, to somehow making it work and going to CGCC. It's been amazing to do what I love every single day! Making new friends was a struggle, as was standing by my beliefs. But I know that my work will pay off, and that this is just the first step to reaching my dream.

8. Christmas
I love Christmas. Each year, Christmas makes my top ten list because of the joy it brings to my life and my family. Nuff said.

9. Triumvirate Moments
Yes, this is cheating. This isn't a single experience, it's a whole chain of experiences with my two best friends. Except for the rainstorm, you've both been a part of each item on this list. Along with Coon's Bluff. Youth Conference. Dances. Late-night talks. A million more. I don't know what I'd do without you, girls. My love is beyond words. Thanks for everything.

10. Choir
Okay okay, this is cheating too. This isn't one experience, rather a whole bunch of experiences thrown into a glob of goodness. There was the JazzMad Festival trip with Premiere; playing in the rainy streets of Phoenix; the San Fran trip with Chorale (which had some especially good memories); girly days in Premiere; Regionals and All-State; getting my choir scholarship; being cheered to death and embarrassment when my choir found out I would walk with them. So many amazing memories with amazing people.
I know, I know. High school is over. I need to grow up and move on, right? Well, that's what makes this so special. I have moved on, but a lot of them have come with me. :) In the dozens of people that became my friends through choir, I have remained in regular contact and friendship with a surprising majority of these people. On the day I got my choir scholarship, I remember thinking that same thing as I saw all my friends smiling at me as I sang. No, I am not saying this to brag. What I'm saying is that there's something special about being able to look around and see that in every face is a good friend, whom I know and love on an individual level, and who is my true friend right back. That's rare, that is. And I'm so thankful for it.

So, those are my top ten experiences of the year!

Current Music: Finding Neverland: Piano Variation in Blue. On repeat :)

Christmas Eve

2008-12-24T15:45:00.001-08:00

Tonight and tomorrow we celebrate the arrival of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ to our earth. Tonight and tomorrow we celebrate everything he did and was and stood for - love and joy and forgiveness and giving and peace on earth, goodwill toward men. Thank you, Jesus, for all of everything.

"So fill your heart with love tonight
And wear it on your sleeve
For all good things are possible
Upon a Christmas Eve.
For all good things are possible
Upon a Christmas Eve."

I wish all who read this a Christmas Eve of child-like wonder,and a Christmas Day of joy and peace! Merry Christmas!

I want to be Real

2008-12-23T23:55:00.001-08:00

This is pathetic. I just created three posts in a row. But this is really worth it, to read on its own, a little quote of the day from the classic children's Christmas book, the Velveteen Rabbitt.

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real." "Does it hurt?" asked the rabbit. "Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt." "Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?" "It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand." -By Margery Williams, from The Velveteen rabbit

"It's a Hustle Bustle Hurley-Burley Hubbub, too, it's a Downtown Holiday Hullabaloo!"

2008-12-23T23:38:00.000-08:00

I don't shop.
I buy, I sell, I trade. But I not a shopper, one of those daring souls who can sift through options and choose presents, those knowing people that can successfully navigate through Walmart better than they can their own home. Me, I'll only browse in a store if I know I won't be buying anything. If I need to buy something at the store, I make a list, buy what's on the list, and leave the store, end of story, before anything can be allowed to go terribly wrong.
But it's Christmastime, which means shopping with a list is uber difficult. Christmastime means I have to actually sift through to find what I want. Which takes time and determination and money, all items that I have very little of to begin with. Christmastime also means that such shopping is absolutely necessary. So today I did a bit of Christmas shopping.
The last time I went shopping I hit up three pickup lines (followed by three polite rejections, and then continued conversations) in six minutes flat. All because we'd taken family pictures, and I was actually in decent clothes, decent makeup, with a decent hairstyle. So today, I think, I'll not have any of that. I put on a long black shirt that even a Puritan would only wear if nothing else were clean; no makeup, no hair done, no shower, and no sleep since I stayed at a friends house talking until five in the morning. And, get this, a nasty-fat leopard print headband. I NEVER see anyone I know when I shop, so I figure, who cares?
Well, I do, apparently. Because the first person I run into at Kohl's is Trevor Cowan and his mother (ooh, rumor starting, Trevor was in the women's jewelry and rings section!! Pass it on!!heheheh, just kidding. I mean, he was, but with his mom). I think I might have scared her. Then I run into Mallory Shepard in all her loveliness as I shop in the jewelry section for my cousins. Before the course of my shopping trip is over, I run into half a dozen people I know. Finally as I'm rounding a corner and see a small crowd of girls I haven't seen since college began, I just can't stand to be seen again. Turn right back around the way I came and wait for them to leave. I know, I know. Stupid thing to do, really, when the people, not the appearances, matter. But I'd rather them not think/discover that this is what I look like on a regular basis.
On a side tangent, I am lost in the jewelry section. Well, not physically lost. Just. . . disoriented and unsure. Maybe I don't know what makes a necklace look good or bad. Honestly, I own a total of three necklaces. One classic pearl, one classic black, and one that's amazing - black and white and blue and made with a bunch of magnets that I play with more often then I wear. And therein lies the extent of my jewelry knowledge. Hm. Is that little string of beads that looks like me sister made it. . . really 40 DOLLARS!? Hm. *checks wallet, finds ten dollars*. Nope. Is that necklace supposed to be considered pretty? It looks like it would hurt to keep my neck straight after a long day of all that weight roped around me neck.
My thoughts continue in this vein for far too long, I must confess. But I am here to buy my cousin a necklace. Everything is hopelessly out of my price range. Finally I find one lost and lonely but lovely little necklace in the back. . . .on sale, 80% off!! It's time to go. I snatch it. Stand in an uuber long line. The cashier gives me a look of scorn and has the nerve to say "That's it, that's all you're getting?" as she flashes a look at the long line I just waited through.
I get home. My mom says, "Wow, you were gone over an hour! What did you get?" I set down the necklace in front of her. I look at her. She looks at me. I can see that mom-grin twitching at the edges of her lips.
"Well. . . it's a nice necklace."
". . ."
This is why I can't buy presents for my friends. I can't decide. Or if I can decide, it's usually something out of my price range. Or if I can decide and can afford it, I can't find time for doing it.
And in spite of the time, the energy, the indecisiveness, giving a gift to one you love is one of the best feelings in the world. I can't wait for Christmas morning, to see my little brothers and sisters and be able to give them what I have worked to find. Sometimes it isn't always as good as I would like to give them. But that's okay. In the end, it always works out. Somehow, it seems we are always able to let those we love know we love them, regardless of if we have money to spend on them. Thank goodness for that!

Current Music: "I Celebrate the Day" by Relient K

A Christmas Party!

2008-12-23T23:35:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to say thanks to yall who were able to come to my Christmas party on Monday! It was so great to be able to reunite with so many people I love, and have such a fun time doing it! I'm sorry I don't have pictures, I don't have a camera. But hopefully you all had as much fun as I did! Happy Christmas!

8 Pieces of Eight

2008-12-19T18:28:00.000-08:00

I got tagged by Natalie and Brit to do this survey!

Eight things I am passionate about
My Gospel
Music
Friends
Family
Desert rain
Good reads
Learning
Love
Funny how even generic answers can be so meaningful!

Eight words or phrases I use the most lately
"It's RAINING!" :)
"Please? Please? Come on, it's Christmastime!"
"I love this song!"
"Someone shoot me now. . ."
"ergh, he makes me so - Angry!"
"Why does this ALWAYS happen??"
"Sorry to be blunt, but -"
"Well. . . nevermind. It's a long story."

Eight things I want to do before I die:
Scuba dive in the Great Barrier Reef.
"Fall" in love (though that's not the right phrase for it) with a special someone for eternity.
Have a happy, sprawling family - I want to adopt and do foster care and have my own children all tumbled together in a loving family. :)
Sing in a beautiful, echo-y chapel anywhere in Europe.
Write a song for a full choir and orchestra and hear it performed.
Truly learn to dance.
Hike through South American ruins.
Serve a mission. Preferable a sign language mission. . . although if that doesn't work out, a humanitarian mission to anyplace would be amazing, too.

Eight things I need right now
A nap.
Meat (ya, random craving for me).
To know whether or not I'm doing the right thing.
To go horseback riding somewhere beautiful, like NOW.
An extra fifty bucks. Or an extra hundred bucks, that would be nice too.
More hours in the day.
Money for next semester's tuition :P
A certain CD I've been searching for but can't seem to find.

Eight places I want to visit (only 8?)
England (GAH!
The Holy Land
Samoa
Greece
Peru
Washington
New York
New Zealand

Eight favorite restaurants
Blue Bayou (ahh, good memories, eh Leilani, Rachel?)
Cheesecake Factory (a rare occasion, and thus always connected to a good special-occasion memory)
Tia Rosa's (where I will be singing on Saturday)
Macaroni Grill (I mean, seriously? The waitresses are opera undergrads singing happy birthday, and they give you crayons and a butcher paper "tablecloth", it doesn't get much better than that)
Olive Garden
Applebees
Oregano's (sorry to copy you Emily, but I really do agree)
Aloha Kitchen (Oh. My. Chicken. Mmmm.)

Eight TV Shows I watch
Um, I haven't deliberately dedicated time to watching TV in at least six or seven years. But, let's see. I saw a clip of an episode from House; have seen a few episodes of What Not to Wear at my aunt's house; I promised Jen Freeman we'd watch some Avatar after Christmas; when I was little I watched Sesame Street, Batman the Animated Series (gah!!), Wishbone, and Ninja Turtles; and will watch Discovery Channel whenever I get to sleep over at my grandma's.

Eighth picture in the eighth folder:

It's from Beauty and the Beast, me as the crazy, gossiping aristocrat.

Eight people I tag to do this same post!
Maureen, Chris, Austin, Melodie, Joe, Sterling, Ryan, Tia

Exhausted and Happy

2008-12-17T12:36:00.001-08:00

I. Am. Tired. of. Finals.
Oi.
And I! Love! Christmas!
:D
I've been fluctuating between these two extremes all day.
AND - I'm so glad that friends are back in town! Christmas isn't Christmas without seeing good friends not seen for a while. *ahem hem, Emily, we still need to go to Starbucks and talk on a car roof sometime while you are in town, yes?*

Quote of the Day: "But I am sure I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round -- apart from the veneration due to its sacred name and origin, if anything belonging to it can be apart from that -- as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time: the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow-passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys. And therefore, uncle, though it has never put a scrap of gold or silver in my pocket, I believe that it has done me good, and will do me good; and I say, God bless it!'" - another Christmas Carol quote. I've been reading it aloud to my siblings this year, so it's been on my mind. :)

Current Music:"The Gift" by Aselin Debison. For those who don't know, this is that touching song about an orphan named Maria, who saves a bird and makes it her humble offering to the Christ-child. Aselin's voice is innocent and sweet, as is the story. I just love this song

Christmas!

2008-12-15T19:32:00.001-08:00

So, December is halfway over, and I haven't posted anything pertaining to Christmas!
Quite unlike me, I know. I'm crazy about Christmastime! Our living room is full of red and green and Santas and nativities and one of the most eclectic Christmas trees you'll ever see. I've gone to Christmas lights many times, gone to Holiday Dinners (aw, good times), and gone Christmas shopping too many times. Up to this point I have been in seven, yes, seven Christmas concerts brimful of glorious Christmas music. Each and every day I add on a new way to celebrate the season, whether it be service projects, teaching and running our J-Street Christmas show or our ward Christmas party show, or reading about the life of Christ by candlelight with my siblings, followed by a Christmas story (one of my favorite traditions. Today we read "The Christmas Miracle of Jonathan Toomey, I highly recommend it as a favorite children's Christmas story). And I still feel like there is so much to do and so little time!
And it RAINED! Christmas is even better now that the weather is fittingly "frightful" and delightful. :)
Ooh, a bit of news - if anyone happens to be at Tia Rosa's on Saturday night, look for me - my dad and I have been hired to go caroling from table to table from 6 t0 8! I won't be there the whole time, we are switching off so that I can go to Amber's caroling party, but if you see me, gimme a holler and I'll come sing to your table! :)
Quote of the Day: "Again the Ghost sped on, above the black and heaving sea--on, on--until, being far away, as he told Scrooge, from any shore, they lighted on a ship. They stood beside the helmsman at the wheel, the look-out in the bow, the officers who had the watch; dark, ghostly figures in their several stations; but every man among them hummed a Christmas tune, or had a Christmas thought, or spoke below his breath to his companion of some bygone Christmas Day, with homeward hopes belonging to it. And every man on board, waking or sleeping, good or bad, had had a kinder word for another on that day than on any day in the year; and had shared to some extent in its festivities; and had remembered those he cared for at a distance, and had known that they delighted to remember him."
- A Christmas Carol, Charles Dickens
Current Music: "O Holy Night" by Josh Groban. Generic choice? Maybe. Still my favorite Christmas song, and one of my favorite arrangements of it.

What's In A Name?

2008-12-11T00:35:00.000-08:00

A teacher of mine once told me "Writing is thinking made visible". Got me thinking. So, if I'm not a good writer, does that mean I'm not a good thinker? Somehow I don't think so. God gave us all different talents. So, I would say "Communicating is thinking made visible". But even that isn't complete, it never can be.
To communicate, we as human beings take the somethings that are inside of our heads and try to transfer them to the outside world, through writing, photography, art, math, music, something, anything; anything that can serve as a vessel carrying us to us. However, so many of these concepts can't be perfectly pinned down in words, in pictures.
Giving name to our thoughts both limits and frees them. It limits us, because perhaps the words cannot do justice to the thoughts; perhaps they only reveal many facets of the idea without being able to present complete, with a flourish, the idea in our head, exactly the same as it was in our head. We can just make do with the words, pictures, and sounds we have, and hope that others around us will "get it". It's a miracle that we humans can communicate on the same plane at all! We all think differently, we all communicate differently! Giving names and labels is inherently flawed. Labeling someone as something, a prodigy, a delinquent, shy, flirty, a saint or a sinner, will never show the whole picture. God himself, when asked by Moses who He was, when asked to pin Himself in all his infiniteness down in a definition, would not perhaps could not, so imperfect is our language. He said, "I AM that I am."
But.
For us lowly humans, communication requires names, demands names and labels, in fact deserves names to free it. In any creation myth/history, naming plays a huge role. By naming the idea, they give flesh to the idea; as Tagaloa named the rocks, as the Zophashamin named the elements, as Father Adam named the animals, these things then became something of value. Of course, these things existed, with or without the name. But without the name, they have no significance - significance as something to be shared with others. And isn't that what we most want to do? Whether for selfish or unselfish reasons, we all want to share ourselves with others.
Naming gives freedom to idea caged inside; and although it cannot help but be imperfect, it still gives the world a taste of who we are and what we think and feel.
So, to reiterate. Naming something limits its perfection as it stands, unexpressed within us, but naming gives it meaning to others beyond ourselves. And to ourselves, if we let it. We can choose to create or destroy our own labels and their connotations. And depending on the connotations, doing so can hurt us or free us. If I choose not to wear a label, we can choose not to take part in its significance. We don't have to consider ourselves bitter, fearful, handicapped, hurt, victimized, as long as we can find the courage in ourselves to deliberately reject the significance of such words in attachment to ourselves.
I am Aubrey Laurelin Noble, a name I can wear with pride and shame, dignity and humility, unworthily and flippantly and reverently. I am an infinite eternal being, and my name only shows gleams of that being. I am a soul encompassing all, all emotion, all love, all life. I am that I am.
And so are you.

Quote of the Day: "Be what you would seem to be -- or, if you'd like it put more simply -- Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise." - The Duchess in Alice in Wonderland. So, does this quote match my message, or contradict it entirely? You decide ;)
Current Music:Well, this took a bit longer than usual to write. Guess I can't seem to get my ideas down ;). I went through everything from Jason Mraz to Imogen Heap to Secret Garden to Natalie MacMaster.

William

2008-12-10T09:37:00.001-08:00

The pictures. That was the first thing to see. Cartoon doodles of silly-looking people papered every inch of the walls. I leaned in to examine one. There sat a smiling redneck in a rowboat with one good oar and one broken off. A word bubble protruded: "I just keep telling myself it's okay to go in circles!" Somehow, the too-close-together eyes, blank, black, and the overlarge grin with overlarge teeth, make me want to cry.
But I can't cry. No, I nod and smile as he proudly tells me how he draws comics. I don't find them very comical. Nothing here is comical right now.
We sit down, he sits down. He examines my little brother in that way doctors have, making it look like it's a game he's playing as he searches down a far more serious vein.
Then come the words I don't want to hear. Words like Tourettes. And Aspergers. OCD. ADHD. Serotonin imbalances. Hereditary. On and on. He tells me that my brother will have these problems the rest of his life. That most likely I and all my siblings are OCD as well. Figures, I think. But don't speak. Just smile and nod. I never pinned myself for being such a phony person until now.
Today I went home and looked at William building mud pies in the wet sand. He is four years old. He doesn't know what these words mean. Heck, I don't either. But I know that it means a long and hard road for him. I want to hug him and kiss him and teach him so well that it will go away. But I can't.

I just keep telling myself it's okay to go in circles.

Love Song

2008-12-04T12:53:00.000-08:00

Yes. This is obnoxious. It's a time-waster, like one of those forwards where someone spends the first two-thirds of the forward trying to convince you to read the last third. However, I had fun. So by all means, if you want to read something of value, please wait for another post. If, however, you want to laugh at how interesting this turned out,keep reading.
To play the game, you put your iPod on shuffle, and use whatever comes up in your shuffling as answers to the questions. Enjoy! :)

When someone says, “Is this okay?” You say?
"The Book of Love"

How would you describe yourself?
"The Way I Am" (No joke, that's what came up!)

What do you like in a guy/girl?
"Life" (well, ya, figures. . .)

How do you feel today?
"Sh-Boom"!

What is your life’s purpose?
"Deliver Us"
hm . . .

What is your motto?
"Life is Wonderful"! (WOW I love this game, sooo true)

What do your friends think of you?
"Fascinating Rhythm"

What do you think of your parents?
"Clear the Area"

What do you think about very often?
"Names"

What is 2 + 2?
"Cloudburst"

What do you think of your best friend?
"Kyrie for the Magdalene"

What do you think of the person you like?
"Just For Now"
heheheh. .

What is your life story?
"The Road Goes Ever On"

What do you want to be when you grow up?
"The Bells of Notre Dame"

What do you think of when you see the person you like?
"Driving With the Top Down" :) from Iron Man

What will you dance to at your wedding?
"Ladies' Night"
um. . .

What will they play at your funeral?
"As I Lay Me Down" (Bahaha! I don't even like this song, and don't know how it got on my iPod. But that's what came up)

What is your hobby/interest?
"Canon in D"

What is your biggest fear?
"Winter in Cairo"

What is your biggest secret?
"Life is A Miracle"

What do you think of your friends?
"Nostalgia" (hm. I don't like this song either. . ., but I guess the title can work)

What will you post this as?
"Love Song"

Do You See Why I Miss High School Friends?

2008-11-29T23:06:00.000-08:00

Note to self - never hang out with Joe Kjar and Daniel Throckmorton together, unless you are willing to stay up and out of doors until four in the morning. Yes, on Friday night - or Saturday morning - we sat at a table outside Sonic, bouncing our legs and rubbing our arms to keep warm, and talked for at least four hours. It's so nice to talk to good people who actually understand me. And actually maybe like me on top of that, how crazy is that? Thanks, guys. Good times, good times.
Another note to self - laugh more often. I must not be laughing enough, because my tummy muscles are sore at the moment from laughing more in one evening that I probably have for the rest of the month combined. Tonight we celebrated Becca's birthday by going to Oregano's - Becca, Matt, Shauni, Trevor, Maureen, Daniel, Tara, and a bunch of others. Oh. My. Lanta. I just love these people. They brighten my day, always. And I love laughing at how everyone socializes/connects/reacts/argues/flirts/jokes with each other. We are such fun to watch when we do what we do. I think that's a quote I heard somewhere about humankind. It definitely applies here, from musical plates to Chewbacca Christmas carols to forcefed pazookies to sign language and "faces" and on and on. Good times, good times.
One more note to self - steal Daniel's music (well, it's not stealing, there are gray areas, eh?) sometime soon. Me LIKE.
Anyway, happy birthday Becca! And to Becca and Trevor and Daniel and Tara and all others heading back to school, miss you and hope to see you come Christmas!

Okay, two friendship quotes - the first one I just added, thinking about something that Daniel said to me: "Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway." - Elbert Hubbard. And then my original choice -
"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you. - Rita Mae Brown

Current Music: "Onward Christian Soldiers"; I don't know who arranged/sings this version, but I love it. :)

Giving Thanks

2008-11-28T13:03:00.000-08:00

Recently I was reading a post on Britney Petersen's blog, and found it to be very inspiring - so in honor of Thanksgiving, I am copying her idea of a thank-you post and putting it here! :)

I'm thankful for the rainstorms of my life, both those literal and those figurative. I'm thankful for the beauty of Mesa rain, warm and sweet and renewing. And for the joy of of walking and dancing in such rain, especially with those that I love.
I'm thankful for my mom, who I can say without exaggeration is my hero, my best friend, and my MOTHER in ever sense.
I'm thankful for the small boy at the park yesterday who rushed into my arms thinking I was his sister; and who, upon discovering his mistake, still smiled and asked me to play tag with him.
I'm thankful for the friend who wept on my shoulder in the car this week - for letting me share what I can. And for being that same friend that lets me cry to her without judgement or inhibition. Thanks.
I'm thankful for the white puppy who returned in equal love the love of my autistic little brother and his excited hugs and tugs and chasings and shrieks of joy. To see a creature endure such loving abuse with a wagging tail is something special to see.
I'm thankful for the best big brother in the world, who always listened to me. Always. And who continues to write to me and be there for me even hundreds of miles away.
I'm thankful for the sixth-grade teacher who saw in the silent, staring girl someone full of life and words that just didn't know how to come out of the pain. And who helped that girl to bloom into the person she is today.
I'm thankful for the girl who has been my anchor for several years now - equal parts rock, air, water and sunshine. Thanks for zoo trips and temple walks and Disneyland and hugs backstage - for being a kindred spirit.
I'm thankful for the man who chose to be kind to a broke college student who dented his fender.
I'm thankful for sunrises and sunsets.
I'm thankful for the girl who has been my friend through thick and thin, quirks and all, and who makes my life more interesting every time I am with her.
I'm thankful for the horse that taught me how to ride, and showed me that to achieve joy, sometimes we must let go of our need to be in control of the situation, and just RIDE.
I'm thankful for my Heavenly Father, who has given me everything, and who always listens and loves.
I'm thankful for the incredible team of friends who tutored me afterschool everyday, sometimes until late in the evening, so that I might pass my online class and graduate from high school.
I'm thankful for the bus driver who showed me that high ideals can be achieved in small ways, and achieved with a sense of humor to boot.
I'm thankful for the boy who actually finds meaning in my ramblings and pulls value from them.
I'm thankful for my brothers and sisters. No words can express how much I love each of them and the joy and lessons that they bring to my life.
I'm thankful for the kindred spirit who, through her writings and comments and example, taught me to see things outside my bubble, whether she knew it at the time or not.
I'm thankful for my Lord and Savior who gives meaning to my life, who knows me and loves me infinitely.
I'm thankful for the choirs through the years - Harmony, Chorale, and Premiere most of all - that gave me friends and cultivated my passion and personality, shaping me into who I am today.
And as Britney said, I'm thankful for all the people who have made a difference in my life.
Thank you.

"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person.
Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us." - Albert Schweitzer
"All That I Want" by the Weepies. And a whole host of other music

Notes to Friends

2008-11-24T22:07:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to say a couple of things -
To Emily Smith - thank you thank you thank you for your comment, you have no idea how much that put things in a new light. Love you!!
To the world at large - the good news is that, in spite of a not so great audition, I got the scholarship. The bad news is that, because of a miscommunication between me and my director, I missed the workshop and they took away the scholarship. :( It wasn't really my fault and wasn't really his, but it all kinda failed. But hey, it means I was capable, and although that's cold comfort when I didn't get the needed money, it definitely helped me feel better about "being good at what I'm good at".
To Sarah Jackson - You're home and I love you and I know you will be brave enough to do what you need to do!! :)
To Maureen if you happen to read this - haha, I refuse to see Twilight. I heard the acting was poor and the special effects were cheesey. But I am glad you had fun!
To everyone who is down for Thanksgiving - if you ever have a free moment, I hope I will get the chance to see you!
That's all.

Quote of the day: "Every day you may make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, so far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb." - Sir Winston Churchill
Current Music: "Trouble" by Ray LaMontagne

Disastrous Audition

2008-11-22T10:30:00.000-08:00

People are brats sometimes. Especially when they are in competition with one another. I had NATS Musical Theatre auditions today (the prizes being workshops and scholarship money for the top three per division), and things didn't go so well as I'd hoped. First off was my competition. Girls with big eyes, big makeup, big curls and ridulously tiny dresses shot looks that were languid, smoldering, and scathing all at once. Then marched into the audition room and belted out songs like "I'm Not Afraid of Anything" and "Defying Gravity." Big badaboom songs. I wanted to shrivel up and die. What was I singing? Oh yeah. Old school stuff. "Show Me" from My Fair Lady, and "So In Love" a ballad from Kiss Me Kate. Because my voice can't pull off that bright belty sound that those girls could and still sound good. It was fortunate that I hadn't eaten breakfast. . .
But I had to sing before any withering, dying, or puking was to be allowed. I was not nervous when I arrived, but after observing and listening to the competition, my insides curled and my hands shook and my voice cracked.
Yes. My voice cracked. Bad. In the middle of the audtion. And when I came out those same girls gave me that look. The "why are you here, you don't belong" look.
I think I want to cry. I need money to pay for college next semester, and doing well at this would have really helped me.
Plus, I think I just have issues when I'm not good at what I'm good at.
All in all, not a happy day so far.

A Visit to a Mosque

2008-11-20T10:33:00.000-08:00

"So, do we go up the stairs or down the hall?" I whispered to Leilani.
"Um. . . up. I think up make more sense."
We stood in the little foyer, alone, facing a set of stairs, a long hall, and a most unusual experience. Last night, my good friend Leilani and I visited a mosque in Tempe. With an onion dome and small minarets, it was beautiful and beckoning. And different. Quite different from my own little brick church in so many ways. But by the time our visit was over, I discovered what I've been told many times, but never really known through experience - that as human beings, even those of different cultures and religions, our differences are by far outnumbered by our likenesses.
The differences at first were intimidating. The stairs led to a wide room, Spanish-Muslim in architecture and decor, with a long white curtain partitioning off a portion of the room. We nearly got caught in a dangerous faux pas, by walking straight in front of us (leading to the men's section) versus taking a left down another hall that opened to the women's section! Luckily we caught ourselves before anyone noticed. Another difference was far more noticeable - we weren't dressed the same. Of course, in planning such a visit, we wore long sleeves, high necklines, and long dressy pants. But these women wore chadors, while a few were in dresses.
But there were comforting likenesses. One likeness, and the first one that made me feel right at home, came in the form of a small boy, peering at us through the thin curtains. He lifted the edge and looked right at me with that impish little boy look that makes little boys so endearing. So naturally I winked and smiled. He giggled, and proceeded to play peek-a-boo with me through a gap in the curtains, eventually running over to the women's side to get a closer look at us. During prayers, he began to wander off, and his mother, eyes still closed, reached out and pulled him back and held him in a surprisingly controlled grip while he wiggled and squirmed(to anyone who's been in a Mormon church, this rule of keep-your-children-still-during-prayer is a familiar and often amusing sight).
The next likeness came before the Salah (an evening prayer in which everyone participates) in the form of a young woman in her twenties. Dressed like us but for the scarf around her hair, she entered and immediately began a series of prayers, whispering Arabic to herself as she knelt, bent over, stood up, and followed a pattern obviously well-known to her. When she was finished, she noticed us (yes, we stuck out like sore thumbs, for all our silence in the corner), and greeted us with a warm smile. We explained we were visitors, and she was happy to answer all our questions about her beliefs, and about the etiquette and customs of the Salah that we were about to see.
It was obvious to see she loved her religion. When I asked her what she would consider the one truth that made her religion dear to her, she said "I believe that there is only one God; and that he is a loving and merciful God. You could be the worst of sinners - not that you should be - but if you turn to him and follow him, he will extend his mercy and love to you." Sounds like a basic belief of Christianity, Judaism, and Islam, certain sects of Hinduism, and surely other religions!
When she asked about our religion, she was delighted to hear we were members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. She works with many Christians, but when the work day is over and they go out to party, she ends up drifting toward the LDS people because of their shared abstinence to drinking and gambling.
As she spoke, I realized just how much Islam shares with other belief systems - not just the LDS church, but with most world religions. She believes in living a good moral life; she believes in avoiding any substances that lead to addictions (she didn't smoke, do drugs, gamble, or drink - although coffee was an indulgence - "I haven't gotten that far", she says with a grin"); she believes in private worship in holy places to draw closer to God; and she believes in, as she put it "The Point System - God rewards us for good deeds, for showing respect to him, etc"; she believes in modesty for women and men, in prayer, in the importance of families, and in respect for elders, especially parents. "We have a saying that the gate of heaven is at the feet of your mother. At the bar of God, your mother will speak three times more for you than any other person will" she tells us.
When the Selah began she left us and joined the line of women, bowing toward the Kaaba in Mecca, as the imam hypnotically sang the prayers, and silence then fell over the congregation as they meditated and whispered scripture to themselves. I was spellbound, I admit. It was so different. And so familiar.
As we returned to the car, parked outside a noisy restaurant of drinking ASU college students, I couldn't help but think, yes, Christianity is the truth, but it's a heck of a lot better to be a practicing Islam/Buddhist/Catholic/Hindu/Jewish person, no matter what your religion, than to be a "Christian" who doesn't believe/act on his or her beliefs. It really put a lot of things in perspective.
Next month I'm going to a Methodist Church. And after that, I'm going to visit a Jewish synagogue.

Quote of the Day: "“We need to promote greater tolerance and understanding among the peoples of the world. Nothing can be more dangerous to our efforts to build peace and development than a world divided along religious, ethnic or cultural lines. In each nation, and among all nations, we must work to promote unity based on our shared humanity.” - Ghanian diplomat to the United Nations. One more: "The test of courage comes when we are in the minority. The test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority." - Ralph W. Sockman
Song of the Day: Okay, I'm a themey person. Before I ever even went to the mosque, I bought recordings of the Quaran. Yes, chanted in Arabic. Do I understand them? No, but it's beautiful nonetheless. I'm listening to "Fatiha: the Opening Chapter" by Hafiz Kani Karaca.

Nothing to Say - when has this EVER happened to me???

2008-11-17T08:24:00.000-08:00

Well, I've been a slackerface and have not posted since October. I guess the problem was that I have very little of import to write! I don't know whether that's a reflection of the monotony of my actual days, or the monotony of my mind, it's inability to WRITE something of worth even if nothing big HAPPENED of worth. Meh.
Not that things of worth haven't happened. I went on a crazy fun date with Chris Z. and we made cardboard box cars and tried to take them through the Arby's drive-through, and there's been game nights and of course school and whatnot. But I guess I just haven't been able to make a good story out of anything lately. How strange - a whole week and a half has gone by without me getting into a extremely dangerous or extremely hilarious situation. :( This rarely happens to me. I need to do something crazy. No. Not even just that. I need to do something worthwhile. Something worth telling about. When I do, I will get back on here and will share a story!

Missionaries and Musings and the Butterfly Effect

2008-10-26T22:38:00.000-07:00

Last time I wrote, I promised to write about the fun date I went on with Josh Boehme - we had such a blast! We ate pizza at the park, played frisbee, and carved pumpkins. Well, sort of. We did carve a pumpkin, but while Josh ever so meticulously brought our sketch to life on the pumpkin, I scooped out pumpkin guts and threw them at everyone. :) We did a good job on the jack-o-lantern, though (don't listen to Josh, he'll tell you otherwise; personally, I think our Earnest the Elephant was smashingly fantastic, and his half-broken trunk and big googly eyes only made him more endearing). :D Thank you Josh for a fun evening!
Tonight was a fun evening as well, if for different reasons. Today was Kendall Sirrine's farewell talk, and tonight was his open house, his farewell party before leaving on his mission. For those who don't know Kendall Sirrine, he is a rarity - as the scriptures say, one "in whose spirit there is no guile", one who is pure in heart without being sanctimonious, one who can be childlike without being childish and who can be a man of bearing without being overbearing. He is a rare gem of a person; what a fantastic missionary he is going to make! So tonight I went to his house and visited with him and other friends, and discussed everything from the cults of Twilight and politics to the Gospel to finding the closest way to define a soul. Plus, all this happened with delicious cupcakes and punch on the side, does it get any better?
Matt Hoskisson leaves for the MTC tomorrow. It feels as if the first dominoes have begun to topple over and it's just the beginning of the rippling wave that will take all my guy friends away from me. :(
Don't get me wrong, I am SO happy for them to be serving missions! The part that scares me is how all of them say that I (and all our girl friends) will be gone when they return - we'll be married before they return, so we won't be good friends the same.
What a horrific thought.
I don't want to lose friends. And I don't want to be married at the typical youngMormongirl age. Not that I'm in danger of that, really. But the fact that everyone accepts it as fact, a reality coming with such certainty that it's inescapable makes me shudder. For those who don't know me, love terrifies me. Out of my wits. Or rather, terrifies me INTO my wits, enough that I hopefully am I tread carefully around getting into such situations. What am I saying - tread carefully? More like bolt in the other direction. But that's a whole separate blog post on it's own. For now, I'll just say that when I start to feel that fear, I remind myself of the words of Paul: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind". If I follow that counsel, I think I will be going about it the right way.
But definitely not when I'm eighteen. Or nineteen. Or twenty for that matter. I'm thinking that 24 is a good age - I can experience more and learn more, up until I'm twenty-one, at which point I can go on a mission myself, and then when I return at age twenty-three I might actually know enough about myself and life to delve into love. But even then, I'm not sure. We'll see.
Anyway, to turn from my side tangent, I am so blessed to be friends with Kendall. The people of Chile won't know what hit them when he gets there! And the same goes from Matt Ho in Pueblo, Mexico!
I can't wait to be a missionary. I love my church so much, but sometimes don't know how to express it, to teach it and share it. When I'm a missionary, I will learn how, from the MTC and from living the experience out in the field! I think it would be cool to serve an American Sign Language mission - ASL interpreters are always needed, and I would love to serve a mission with sign language. But I would be happy with or without the sign language, really. And I guess I could be happy with or without the mission as long as I felt like I was becoming closer to Christ and helping others too, too. I was reading in John 4 tonight, and the Savior is describing missionary work through the analogy of harvesting fields. Some sow, and some reap, but both find joy in the result. It's the job of the missionaries to sow. But someone has to water the seeds that have been planted. And someone has to harvest the fruit that comes from that seed. It's all just one big network. And it's not just applying to missionary work, it's life! It's human relationships, and how when someone touches someone else for good, it doesn't matter how small the it is! We all get the chance to sow, and reap, and grow ourselves. It's the Butterfly Effect. It's like an experiment I do all the time - the Spread a Smile Game. Try to count how many smiles you pass on in a day . . . do you get any in return? How many of those smiles were passed on to someone else? And then to someone else? And did it make someone's day better? For a lot of them, probably not (cynical, but true). But for some of them, it did. And for that, it's worth it. I've recieved notes and conversations from complete strangers who have thanked me for giving them a smile on a bad day.
As was said in a talk today in church, you never know how far a ripple can go. And that goes for missionary work, and smiles, and maybe even what's written in this blog.
I am so thankful for all the outreaching litte waves from friends and family - from the smiles, and phone calls, and reading others' blogs, to the day to day examples of how to live and love living.
Well, I'm off to bed - I don't think I've done the best job of expressing what's on my mind tonight, but hopefully I've expressed something of worth, even if the actual writing style (er, or lack thereof) left much to be desired! And hopefully it didn't sounds preachy either, goodness knows that's not how I intend it at all! It's just musings. :)

Quote of the Day: "The level of our success is limited only by our imagination and no act of kindness, however small, is ever wasted." ~Aesop
Current Music: "Peace Like a River", Mormon Tabernacle Choir

the Beauty of Bookstores

2008-10-25T12:57:00.000-07:00

This morning, due to an appallingly easy test, I got out of class two hours early, with no real desire to return home and do something useful. Instead, I went to a bookstore.
I have a confession to make. I am a cheapskate. No, that's not the confession, everybody who knows me already knows that. But instead of spending money on books, I have a habit of reading novels cover to cover while still in the bookstore and then not leaving. I have a tendency to read fast, and can often finish a good book in a bookstore trip or two without ever paying money. Cheating? Maybe. Yes, if I were a good person I would buy the book and then take it home to read it. But I hate buying books that I may only read once, because if I end up not liking it, I don't want to use the money for it. Plus, it is infinitely easier to focus on a book in the bookstore rather than in my house where there are a myriad of distractions every half hour.
So, today I went to the bookstore and had a lovely time of it. Why not use a library, you say? I have a habit of racking up fines. I'd rather just never let the book leave the store. Anyway. To continue -
A school was holding a fundraiser there, with a few interesting gimmicks. Live animals for instance, and live music, teachers reading Halloween books to a few elementary school children in the kid's corner. The best part? Shaggy Shetland ponies clip-clopping in circles at the bookstore entrance. I felt like a six year old again, petting their haltered, soft-n-fuzzy noses. There were goats, too, and chickens. But no one pays attention to goats and chickens when there are chubby little ponies to be cuddled.
Inside the store, in the corner of the Starbuck's, a number of teens cobbled along together on musical instruments - drums, acoustic guitars, and the coolest little flute instrument that sounds like a bagpipe when played. They were quite good, in my opinion. Not everyone seemed to think so, from the looks of it. A group of teens talked in loud, boisterous voice through all the music. A writer, brooding over a cup of coffee, hunched over his laptop, radiating that sense of "don't disturb me, for I am a great thinker turning my great thoughts into writing too great for you to comprehend", shot many annoyed glances at the musicians. There was another coffee shop two doors down that he could have relocated to, but he chose not to move. In my opinion, many amongst that breed of writers only write to be seeeen, not just heard. Anyway, the noise of the talking teens ruined all concentatio, so I left the Starbucks area and retired to a big comfy chair in a little corner and read the first fourth (maybe third) of The Watchmen, recommended by Emily Smith :). We'll see what I think of it when I've read some more.
This might seem a boring afternoon to some; and perhaps it would be boring if it were an everyday occurance; But I love these stolen moments of both rest that comes from the orderly world of a bookstore, and of freedom from the not-so-orderly worlds inside the books themselves. I consider it time well-spent. :)
Okay, this is a long enough post as it is, but next time I write it will be about my date with Josh Boehme last night, and our amazing Earnest the Elephant. Adieu!

Quote of the Day: "Wear the old coat and buy the new book." —Austin Phelps Ah, a quote I've often used to justify spending money I ought not to spend. But hey, if you can't buy either the coat OR the book, stay in the warm bookstore and read for free!
Current Music: Handel's Water Music. I've lost track of which movements, specifically. But good stuff

First Car Accident. Yes. My Fault. :(

2008-10-23T23:18:00.000-07:00

Well, last night I was in my first car accident, if that's the right word for it. It was definitely a not-on-purpose-accident. And yes, it was all my fault. I feel SO SO SO terrible about it. But in spite of it being a terrible experience, I just thank the Lord because it could've been a lot worse.
The man I hit could've been a mean person, for one thing, and he wasn't. He was very decent about it. And he didn't ask for my insurance either - another thing to be thankful for! Because (ugh, this is bad) I was driving my mom's car. . .
Maybe I should back up and tell what happened.
So. My mom asked me to take the kids out and pick up some littl Caesar' Pizza. In generosity, she let me take her car, since it was her errand and she didn't want me to sue extra gas. Little Caesar's is plunked down on the corner of McKellips and Lindsay. It has a fairly small parking lot. Incidentally, the lone street lamp that illuminates the dark parking lot wasn't working that night. Lucky me, huh? Little spaces, little room to pull out, and no lighting. And a big, dark truck in a corner. I'm not saying this to excuse myself, I say this to explain how I got in a position to do such a stupid thing.
So. I'm driving my mom's van. Not my lovely little compact Isuzu Rodeo. No, a van (thus a much longer tail than I'm used to) with a broken side view mirror on the left side. As I'm pulling out, I didn't see the truck in the dark, parked in the corner. I hit the truck's fender. And left a big dent. And broke the lights on my mother's car. As for me, I don't realize this at first - I just hear the crunch. I pull forward into drive, away from whatever made the crunching sound, and turn around. Still don't see the truck, but I know I hit something. Repark, leave the nervous little kids, to investigate.
Gosh, it makes my stomach churn just to write about it. It is the most sickening feeling in the world to realize you have damaged something of great value to another person, especially when you don't know how that person will take it.
Anyway, as I'm standing there freaking out, I decide to walk back to Little Caesar's to find the owner of the truck. As it happens, he is bursting through the door of the pizza place.
I don't know how I got through that whole conversation without bursting into tears, but I did. And I don't know how he was so nice to me after what I did, but he was. Just took down my name and number to let me know how much it will cost. He hasn't called me yet, so I'll repost whenI know more.
I feel so stupid. I can't believe that I didn't see the truck, although it was so dark that neither of us could tell what the damage was until feeling the car (it was dark, I tell you! I am not a reckless driver! Just a... careless one... who ought to have checked even BEFORE getting in the car...stupid, stupid, stupid...) Incidently, I drove by Little Caesar's today. The light post is working NOW. Oi oi oi.
I am so ashamed of myself. And not sure how in the heydiddlediddle I'm going to pay for this.
Gah. I feel miserable. I'm going to bed.

Halloween's a Coming!

2008-10-22T09:05:00.000-07:00

This week has been interesting, full of a lot of comings and goings. Darrik Farmer and Matt Hoskisson had their mission farewells on Sunday - good luck to both of you two as you are out in the field! You guys are awesome, and will be missed!
And Halloween is coming, as is now obvious at my house - the kids insisted on decorating the house this week, so everywhere I look I can see the signs. In honor of Halloween I bought the kids a present, "Where the Wild Things Are" by Maurice Sendak. I loved that book when I was little, and wore my copy to shreds. Hm. Maybe I wasn't buying THEM a present after all ;).
All the kids (and I) are in the process of deciding what to be for Halloween. Ana wants to be Hannah Montana - well, it ain't happening out of my wallet. :P Joy and Santos change their minds every time they see a new costume. So do I. If anyone has any ideas, please share! I love getting dressed up in costumes, but I'm running out of original ideas. I've already been a Queen of Hearts playing card (FUN stuff to make) a giant MnM, Minnie Mouse, fortune-teller gypsy (FUN stuff to act), Indian, and of course the traditional assortment of 50's, 70's, 80's, Star Wars characters, witch, princess, and whatnot.
I want to be Iron Man. But I don't think that's going to happen. Actually, I really want to be Batgirl. But there's going to be a million and one Batgirls and Batmans (no, not Batmen, Batmans), just as there will be a million and one Jokers.
Warning to any friends still in town: if anyone comes up to me dressed like the Joker and says "wanna know how I got my scars?", I will personally beat you into unconsciousness and never speak to you again. I LOVED the Dark Knight, don't get me wrong - but I have had a deathly fear of the Joker since I started reading the comics as a little kid. Heath Ledger doing such an incredible job didn't exactly help things, either. If anyone tries to take advantage of that, I will die of fright, but not before taking you down with me. Be ye warned!
Anyway, if anyone has any ideas for Halloween, let me know, okay? Oh, and I'm still on the lookout for new good books - I've just been rereading childhood classics this week on the bus: the Hobbit, the Silmarillion, Anne of Green Gables, Sense and Sensibility, Great Expectations. I need something new!

Quote of the Day: "There's such a lot of different Annes in me. I sometimes think that is why I'm such a troublesome person. If I was just the one Anne it would be ever so much more comfortable, but then it wouldn't be half so interesting." - I was reading Anne of Green Gables this week, and I think this quote applies to many more people than just Anne!
Current Music: "Down to Earth" by Peter Gabriel (from the credits of Wall-E, what a cute movie!)

Daughter of Thunder

2008-10-20T10:42:00.000-07:00

Lately, I feel like I've been struggling a little bit with who I am, and who people perceive me to be, and who I want to be. Last night and this morning I did some studying in the New Testament, about John the Beloved; and I think I've found an answer to help me on the right track, so I'd like to share some of it here.
The Savior referred to John and his brother James as "The Sons of Thunder" (how cool would that be, to have Jesus himself give you such a powerful nickname?) because of their zeal and passion. However, they didn't know how to direct it. Their temperament was reflected in that name. Where I was reading last night, John asked the Lord to reign down fire from heaven to punish a village that rejected their Savior, and the Savior kindly but firmly rebuked him. In several other places in the scriptures, he is redirected by the Savior when he acts in ways he should not although being motivated by good intentions. He was passionate, hot-headed, powerful, misdirected, but a man who wanted to do and be good. That is the key. Because of this, he loyally followed Jesus Christ to the end, from being one of the three disciples outside Gethsemane with him, to one of the two Apostles that followed him through his trial, to being the only Apostle of the Twelve to stand at the foot of the cross. Because of this love for the Savior, the Savior gave that love in return, and throughout the scriptures, John is known as "the discple whom Jesus loved."
How is this man, this "son of thunder", the same humble and meek man today more commonly referred to as "the beloved"?
One article I was reading put it this way: "Through the transforming power of Christ, John became a man of sacrifice, love, and tenderness. He became a man of deep spiritual insight, loving disposition, and great compassion."
Sometimes I feel like a daughter of thunder. Not to be presumptuous, but I do. I have huge flaws and passions and feelings and behaviors that stem from good intentions. And, just as the Savior said to John on more than one occasion, I don't always know what I am truly wanting or asking. But I do know that I want to do good and be good. I want to channel the thunder that is me. I want to put it to use. And reading the story of John the Beloved last night has given me hope that, through the Savior, I can. I can be both a "daughter of thunder" and a young woman of "deep spiritual insight, loving disposition, and great compassion". I can't express how good it felt to read that, and how much I want that. I hope that I can find the exact steps to find that balance of myself to become the person that I really am.

Quote of the Day: "6 Yea, he has undertaken a greater work; therefore I will make him as flaming fire and a ministering angel; he shall minister for those who shall be bheirs of salvation who dwell on the earth.
7 "And I will make thee to minister for him and for thy brother James; and unto you three I will give this power and the keys of this ministry until I come.
8 "Verily I say unto you, ye shall both have according to your desires, for ye both joy in that which ye have desired." (Doctrine and Covenants 7:6-8 - a scripture I really like, describing John the Beloved (verse six) and Peter (verse 7 and 8) ).

Current Music: no music today. I'm typing in the school library, and my iPod's dead.

A More Accurate Estimate

2008-10-16T14:28:00.000-07:00

Not a ton of time to write, but just thought I'd mention - a couple blog posts back, I guessed that I spent five or six hours of music a day. I decided to test that this week and see if it was true. On Tuesdays I spend almost seven hours; on Wednesdays I spend nine hours. So, averaged together, that's more like eight hours a day - not counting extra events like concerts and recitals, etc. Fun stuff. :D
Well, I'm off to teach J-Street, and then off to a choir concert! Until I write again!

The Wheels on the Bus Go 'Round and 'Round. . .

2008-10-13T17:25:00.001-07:00

Um, momentary vent. I don't like my compuer right now. I hit spell check and instead it published my post. Then I clicked "edit post" and 'the web page was expired' no matter what I tried.Gah. The fates are connspiring aginst me to be shoor thatt my writting is ful of spullin erors. o welllll. :)

The Wheels on the Bus Go 'Round and 'Round. . .

2008-10-13T17:25:00.000-07:00

Public buses are cold and creaky on October mornings. And warm and creaky on October afternoons. I've been learning a great many things about buses and their inhabitants the last two weeks, for in an effort to save the environment and save my money, I've been taking the city bus to and from school. It's meant leaving the house an hour early and getting home an hour late, but thus far I think it's worth it .
For one thing, I've learned that bus drivers can be the best people in the world. Joe usually drives the bus. He sports a huge smile and a goatee to rival D. G. Rosetti's. I think his part African-American, part Hispanic, but his voice is colored by an accent I can't quite place. But all this is irrelevant. What's so great about him is that he loves his job. I assumed from my limited exeriences with bus drivers (cranky drivers dealing with unruly junior high kids who stick gum on the seats and shout swear words) that they didn't consider their work to be an art, or a service, or anything other than something to struggle through in order to get a paycheck that hardly seems worth the effort. Not so with Joe. He's been driving for 29 years. He knows all his regulars, asking them as they arrive "how's the job search?" "How're the kids?" "Wa you wearin' today, who you tryen to be?" and they all know his name. I saw one girl come up and introduce her new boyfriend to him. He cares about all of them, and they care about him. He doesn't even know a lot of their names.
But which is better, to know a man or his name? There are plenty who know my name without knowing me. This is the first I've found someone who remembers me and who I am more than remembering my name. It's such a refreshing way to start my day, being greeted by a friendly bus driver. It also reminds me to try and be that friendly person to refreshen someone else's day with a smile.
I've also learned a bit of patience. Up until now, I admit I've never been patient with buses in my path (especially when I'm late, and my road rage - well, road irritation - makes me think that they are going deliberately slow). Now I realize how hard it is to maneuver a bus, and it makes me a nicer driver when I'm outside the bus. I've also learned patience is a great thing to have when I'm arriving home an hour later than I'm used to.
And that hour at least gets put to good use. I spend it on homework, but usually on reading a good book. Last week I read bits of old books I've read about thirty two times. Today I read all of "Wuthering Heights" but the last chapter, which I just now finished. Anyone have any good books to recommend? I'd love to read something new! Thanks!
Quote of the day: "Never run after a bus or a man. There'll always be another one." :) Sorry, but I am on a bus theme and that's the only quote I know about buses!
Current Music: "Pressing On" by Relient K :D Great song.

Autumn!

2008-10-12T18:04:00.000-07:00

Autumn unofficially began this week. In spite of what the calendar might say, autumn does not officially begin in me until the mornings have that crisp, cold air. Mesa, Arizona has finally cooled down some! It's Autumn. Of course, fall started a long time ago. Fall speaks of school, and semesters, and scheduling gymnastic classes. Autumn speaks of that quiet morning excitement, and sweaters, and finding my sister in the backyard at six in the morning watching the sunlight and swinging on the swingset in pajamas before rushing in under the covers (It's something she just does when the weather gets cool, almost subconsciously, one of her quirks. Yes, she's fascinating like that. My Joy is my own little Pearl [brownie points to those who can name that literary allusion]).
Ironically, my car's air conditioning started working again this week. Uh huh. After the broiling afternoons driving home from school, burning my hands on the steering wheel and thinking perhaps it is possible to roast alive even with the windows down, NOW the A/C starts working. Thanks, Cowgirl. No worries though, I still love my little Isuzu Rodeo. I am so blessed to have a car, and I can even be thankful for the fact that I didn't have air conditioning: I survived, Calvin's dad would tell me I've built character, and I'm sure I've saved money on gas because of it! :)
Today is a good day. It' a Sunday. I was able to finally visit my grandpa in the hospital. I went for a walk, and read a bit of a good book. AND, my family is home!
This weekend was October Break for all the kids, so my mom was planning a trip. She got lucky, and for sitting through a two hour marketing schpiel, she was given two free nights at a very nice hotel in Sedona! The family all went on beautiful hikes and went to Out of Africa and fed giraffes from their hands and watched white tigers and albino pythons in a fantastic show! GAH!! I want to feed giraffes and pet zebras!! A curse be upon the dummies at Chandler Gilbert who think that college kids don't need an October Break!
Not that I'm BITTER or anything.
No, while my family played in creeks and hikes through beautiful red rock, I stayed HOME, and went to school.
Actually, while I am jealous of the kids and their close encounters with nature, I am pretty glad for the good blessings I had while staying here. The first night I was alone, after an AMAZING choir concert (more on that some other time) my fantastic friend Leilani came over with a frozen pizza and a box of cookie dough ice cream, and spent the night at my house. Yes, I'm a bit of a wimp when it comes to staying home alone. It's odd. It's not as if I need another adult there, because I am perfectly fine with my parents going out of town and leaving a kid (or two or three or four) in my care. But being completely alone? Um, my house makes noises. Like, people noises, burglar-creeping-in-through-my-mother's-broken-bedroom-window noises. Those kind of noises. I was so glad to have Leilani there. Plus, even better, we made a trip to the bookstore with Kendall Sirrine, and got into a discussion with the clerk there about C.S. Lewis's "The Great Divorce" (then the conversation turned to Twilight somehow, at which point I left Leilani to do the talking while I went to the new age section and laughed at the psychics' books). It was fantastic. By the way, Emily, if you are reading this, it was the same bookstore that we were going to meet at before you had car problems and I had life issues. Made me miss you, there's no one like you for explaining if a book is a worthwhile read. The clerk will always and inevitable say yes. Bah, miss you.
Anyway, I didn't think I'd miss my family, thought I'd be shouting praises to have them gone and be able to get things done. But by the time the weekend was over, I was sure glad to see them! I'm glad they all got back safe!

Quote of the Day: "It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives."
Current Music: "The Road Less Traveled" by David Cline

Learning and Teaching and Creating!

2008-10-04T08:21:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting in computer class right now. Learning how to insert a picture in a word document. And how to change indents.
Someone save me.
I want to watch General Conference, but I have to miss the first session for this class :( , what a waste.
I can't wait for conference! The Relief Society Session last week was amazing! President Uchtdorf's talk last week was just about the most incredible address to women that I have ever heard. He spoke of how many women undervalue themselves and their work (wow, really, imagine that!) and that, while their goals and the intents of their hearts are good, such thinking will not lead to lasting happiness. Seriously, I don't think I know a woman alive who does not need to hear those words in order to keep in check their inner critic. He said the best way to fight this voice and to accomplish great things is to recognize and develop our creative powers, and to serve others with compassion. He said, "Don’t let fear of failure discourage you. Don’t let the voice of critics paralyze you—whether that voice comes from the outside or the inside. If you still feel incapable of creating, start small. Try to see how many smiles you can create, write a letter of appreciation, learn a new skill, identify a space and beautify it."
I just love this quote from his talk:

"The more you trust and rely upon the Spirit, the greater your capacity to create. That is your opportunity in this life and your destiny in the life to come. Sisters, trust and rely on the Spirit. As you take the normal opportunities of your daily life and create something of beauty and helpfulness, you improve not only the world around you but also the world within you."

Isn't it a wonderful thought that we can create? I know that sounds so simple, a "well duh" kind of comment, but it's such a wonderful feeling to know that each of us can be used for good, and can accomplish things to create happiness.

As for me, I already know what my dreams of creation are. I want to teach. I want to teach music and sign language and a love of reading and writing and all sorts of things to children. And I get to do a bit of that every week on Thursdays; on Thursday afternoons, I get to be in the middle of a creative storm as I drive out to teach J-Street Singers at my aunts house. We have clogging lessons taught by Jaylin in the backyard, and voice lessons taught by my aunt in the front room, and song and dance taught by and myself upstairs. There is nothing that I love better than seeing a child learn and LOVE and use what they've learned. Now, I'm not trying to create a false image here; trust me, with some kids, trying to teach them requires grinding teeth and plenty of Advil! But there are those moments - the moment when the preschooler remembers (for once) all the words we learned the week before in "Mister Santa"; the moment when all the tween girls squeal for joy when they finally nail the three part harmony I wrote for "Do You Hear What I Hear"; the moment when the kick line roll off all falls into place and the little kids stop dancing because they can't believe that it all worked; the moment when my little brother brings me his paper on "Autumn In My Neighborhood" and instead of being filled with garbage about red and gold leaves it's clear, honest, and funny about fall in Arizona (or the lack thereof). . . and he got a perfect score. It's those moments I live for. There is nothing in life more that I want to do than to teach children - creating skills and thoughts in young minds. At the risk of sounding presumptuous, I would say that it's my life calling.
Now, if only I could make more money in actually doing what I love. :)

Quote of the day: “Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves." - James Barrie
Music: Alas, no music in the computer lab. But if it counts, I have "There is Sunshine in My Soul Today" stuck in my head, because the quote reminded me of it.

Feeling With No Conscious Effort - Why Can't Life Work Like That All The Time?

2008-09-30T17:57:00.000-07:00

Last night I dreamed that I stood aboard a boat and went flying. With candy-apple red sails that converted into a parachute when landing, and powered by jet packs, this little boat careened through the air, making loops that terrified me and swooping over jungle rivers.
Then I crashed it into a tree. Not so fun. And then a large Californian Condors landed and looked at me, watching as I pulled the boat loose and pushed it into the river
Bizarre, eh? I love experiencing such bizarre dreams.
Some days, I just hate getting up. Not waking up, mind you, but getting up. When the dreams are so vivid and colorful and real, and if I'm in the ones where no one is getting chased or hurt or drowned, why would I want to get up? Even when I'm awake, I love staying in bed in those early hours of the morning. That moment when I first wake up and cling to the remnants of the dream, and open my eyes - my mental images are such a contrast to the cool dark surroundings of my room that sometimes it surprises me to see that I'm still in my own house, looking at the silhouette of my bedside table and overgrown pile of folded laundry, and not gliding down the Amazon. That's when I like to gather up my quilt and slip back into the dream while still being awake, savoring the feel of it like an out-of-body experience tht requires no conscious effort.
Maybe that's what I love. Feeling with no conscious effort. That's how feeling music comes to me. Not that I don't practice and make conscious effort, of course I do! I mean, just feeling it envelope me without me fighting to find the feeling for it. That's how music is. That's how dreams are. That's how lying lazily in bed is until I look at the clock and remember that I'm not ten years old and it doesn't matter if it's Saturday morning, there's none of this stay-in-your pajamas-and-eat-frosted-flakes-with-a-good-book-in-hand.
The thought makes me sigh. Deeply. No, it doesn't, that's melodramatic writing. It makes me scrunch up my face and glare at my clock and wish time a slow, painful, time consuming death.
So I decide to tell time, "I know how to make you suffer... I'll WASTE you!" Except that never ends up hurting time. Only me.
I discovered that today as I wasted some time. I colored. No, that doesn't describe it big enough. Hm. Lemme back up
I came home and all over our driveway was a colorful universe of chalk. William and Santos had drawn chalk figures and squiggles everywhere, with little green Wall-Es and pink Eves and other robots, along the typical triangles and patterns.
After a long day of mixolydian modes and transposing our "repertoire" (imagine a professor saying that with raised eyebrows and pursed lips, you get the picture), I just wanted to color. Color the entire sidewalk up and down the street with a rainbow, and let my hands turn dusty white. As it was, I picked up a neon green and a lurid pink and made a lovely flower. I then amused myself with purple squiggles all around it.
Then, our neighbor, who came out from our backyard from where he was spraying for bugs, happened upon me. "What are you doing down there?"
Um, what's it look like I'm doing? I have chalk in my hand and drawings all around me on the concrete. I'm taking myself into the oblivion of childhood.
"I'm adding to the art." Istantly wanted to slap my mouth shut. Adding to the art? Did I really just say that?
"I see. Well, have fun." I could hear the edge of derision in his voice, and it made me want to cry, although I had no reason or right to. I'm sure he now thinks me officially insane, the stay-at-home daughter that the Noble family just couldn't kick out of the nest.
But hey, my flowers are lovely. My Lydian and Dorian mode music is lovely too, and so is my computer class work.
But so are my chalk squiggles and circles and rainbow lollipops.

No quote for today. I don't feel like searching for one.

Current Music: "The Girl I Mean To Be" Frm the Secret Garden

College Life

2008-09-26T09:17:00.000-07:00

I am terrible. I have not posted anything on my blog in about a month. And I have no good excuse, other than that college ate my life and has yet to spit it back out.
Life's been rather busy, what with school every day but Sunday (yes, even on Fridays and Saturdays, bleh), J-Street classes on Wednesdays and Thursdays, and teaching private music lessons on Tuesdays and Fridays. But I love it! I am learning so much, and in so many different areas. I probably spend an average five to six hours a day on music , whether it be theory, aural perception, performing, or teaching/taking voice lessons (and that doesn't include the music I sing and listen to for just enjoyment! ;) ). I couln't be happier with what I'm learnng and what I'm doing.
I admit, I COULD wish for more when it comes to life outside of music. I miss my friends, immensely. It's kind of hard to make new friends, because I have a tendency to scare people off. Well, not initially; initially, people are drawn to me because I'm friendly and nice, but then they end up stepping away once they start having real conversations with me and realize how, um, shall we say unconventional? Maybe just plain weird? I can be. I am surprised at how well my high school friends put up with me.
Wow. I use terrible grammar throughout this blog. Part of me wants to fix it, and part of it wants me to leave it the way it is, because that's how I'd say it, and this blog really is me just talking to my friends.
I think I'll leave it.
Anyway, another difficult part of college is the fact that maybe I'm too picky about who I want to be around; for example, I tend to pull away from the few LDS people I know at CGCC, because I don't like the fact that they can sit in Institute like golden angels and then once they leave the building, invite me to go party and gamble and drink at the Casino. And then have the nerve to ask me on a date. Nor do I connect well with the girls who dress modest while at Institute, but then I see them later in the day and they've changed into skanky clothes.
I know, I know. Call me judgemental and call me mean; tell me to be understanding and tell me to realize that no one's perfect and that I'll find this sort of thing everywhere I go in life. But it's just that I get along better with the people who don't pretend so much. I have made more non-lds friends with perhaps lower standards, but at least they aren't hypocritical.
But this is something I definitely need to work to overcome; and not just in my mind, but in my heart, I know I need to recognize that hypocrisy is just some people's temptation, as hard for them as other temptations are to me. I know that's true, I just need to learn to feel it and act on it. Plus, I am aware of that old saying, "whatever you condemn, you have done it yourself." So I promise not to dwell on this, it will be a one-time-only vent on this blog.
On a much lighter note, I am finally posting the pictures of my foster siblings! Here they are, have a look! :)
Anyway, life is good. And interesting, as always. :) I feel so blessed to be able to spend so much time on the things I love the most. Couldn't ask for too much more than that. . .
Quote: "Just don't give up trying to do what you really want to do. Where there's love and inspiration, I don't think you can go wrong." -Ella Fitzgerald
Current Music: "Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing" (a really neat arrangement by my brother on a mission,with a banjo, two guitars, and three male voices. It's amazing, truly).

Foster Children! And Other Happenings

2008-08-26T19:35:00.002-07:00

Well, life has thrown some amazingly wonderful curve balls once again, so I have some stories to share!

Two little foster children moved in with us last night! CPS removed four children from a home (due to drug use and possibly abuse on the part of the parents), and asked us to take two of them - a little brother and sister of Native American and Hispanic descent (their father is Mexican and their mother is Navajo Indian).
Anazcelia (or Anaczelia, I am not sure which), a happy, chubby-cheeked six-year-old, constantly smiles and loves to be friendly and talkative. She is a go-getter and likes to laugh and tell stories. . . my kind of girl! Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it) the reason they ended up with my family was because of her actions. On Saturday, her mother gave birth to a new baby. This woman gave birth, at home, alone; and little Anazcelia hovered and watched, and eventually called the police when she realized that the umbilical cord encircled the baby's throat, starting to strangle her. Luckily help arrived in time, and the baby lived. The emergency help, however, realized what a hazardous environment the children were in, what with the poverty and drugs, and so as soon as the baby was taken care of, they took the other three children from the home and set to work finding foster families for them.
Ana's five-year-old brother Santos provides quite the contrast to his older sister: quiet, his dark eyes drink everything in without his mouth doing much. But in spite of seeming shy and withdrawn, he speaks kindly when the occasion arises, and gets along beautifully with his sister. He is so small and solemn-looking that every time I see him I want to whisk him into my arms and hold him to me. But of course, trust takes time and so I am doing my best not to invade his space and to let him come to me when he is ready.
I love these kids already and am so glad that they are staying with us!

None of my other stories carry the same kind of weight as the arrival of these two children, but I might as well mention the other events of the week.
Only this afternoon I had an interesting moment driving home from Chandler Gilbert Community College - a skirmish with danger, from Gatorade (and no, Austin, this was a DIFFERENT kind of Gatorade danger!) As I was driving and pulling up to an intersection, a truck turning left on a yellow arrow swung wide, and lost all the cargo in the back of the truck! Cardboard boxes slid out, two coolers fell into the road in front of me, and dozens of Gatorade bottles scattered across the asphalt while bags of ice burst open and bits of ice skittered everywhere. I slammed on the brakes to barely avoid hitting them, but now I was halfway through the intersection with nowhere else to go, and there were plenty of cars coming up behind me unaware of why I was stopping. I said a quick prayer and plowed through the maze. Now, for those of you who are aware of my limited driving skills, this was no mean feat to get through the obstacle course, especially with two other cars trying to do the same thing! I couldn't breathe when I was trying to drive through, but then I couldn't stop laughing when I was through, what with my typical luck in getting in odd situations and then somehow extricating myself (or being yanked back from the edge by Providence) before things get bad. I believe the Lord helped me get through before the light change. So, good times with driving. :)
Another kind of adventure (a much more enjoyable one, in my opinion) occurred the night before Ryan left to BYU. It RAINED!! And a bunch of friends (Ryan, Samuel, Rachel, Darrik, Sterling, Jamie, Dallin, Chris, Joe, Maureen, Drew, Sarah J and myself) not only were able to play fun games at Ryan's grandma's house (btw, Sarah and Darrik, you are forgiven, I love you!), but after a while, we went outside and went for a walk in the rain. It was just so beautiful: The rain fell amid the dark greens and blacks and browns, invisible in the darkness and seen as small golden flecks in the light of the streetlamp, giving the scene, as Samuel put it, the look of "a Thomas Kincaide painting". And we danced. Samuel took Sarah by the hand and I took Ryan by the hand and pretty soon we were all dancing in the rain with no music but the countings of "one two three, one two three." What a beautiful
moment. I only wish alllll of us could have been out there to enjoy it!

Quote of the day: "Dancin' in the rain, dya da dya, da da da da. . .I'm happy again!" (name that musical! :)
Current Music: "Raise It Up" from August Rush, "Life is Wonderful" by Jason Mraz, and "Claire de Lune"

More J-Street Singers!

2008-08-26T19:35:00.001-07:00

Sorry, but I left off some pictures, here they are! Please let me know if you know of any kids who would be interested in joining so that I can give them information! This class is so much fun.
Plus, it's my livelihood at the moment.
:)

J-Street Singers

2008-08-26T19:35:00.000-07:00

Just some pictures to advertise for my Children's Performing group! We meet once a week on Wednesdays and learn songs and dance. This year's program: Christmas Spectacular!

In a State of Mild Terror

2008-08-23T16:35:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow I go to Chandler-Gilbert Community College.
And I am NOT on the computer typing a pointless blog entry because I can't sleep because I can't stop thinking about how terrifyingly out-of-place and incompetent and either completely-disliked or liked-altogether-too-much I will be on a college campus.
Not at all all.

No quote today. I can't think of one. No music either.
oi oi oi.

Rnndomness

2008-08-23T16:35:00.000-07:00

I think I might be losing my grip.
Last night, I dreamed that Senator John McCain was campaigning at my house, singing and dancing around to "Snow Miser" from "The Year Without a Santa Claus". Except John McCain changed the words to "Pork Miser" (in reference to his thoughts on pork barrel spending) and instead of singing about how cold he was, he sang about how old he was. He looked utterly foolish as he pranced around in front of voters and I distinctly remember thinking "How low will this man stoop to get votes?" When I woke up in the morning,pondering the dream with closed eyes, I also was surprised at how my mind came up with rhyming lyrics that fit the music and McCain's policy. . .in my sleep.
Yeah, I definitely must be insane.
These doubts in my own sanity increased when I opened my eyes to find white-masked face inches from my own! Needless, to say I reacted on impulse - I squealed and shoved the mask away, only to discovered from the loud "OW! Aubreeee, I was just teasing!" That my ten-year-old brother was attempting to wake me with a "Why so serious?" and the closest thing he could get to a Joker mask - a white face mask from Walmart.
Ok, so I'm not insane. My little brother is.
Come to think of it, if an outsider looked in on our family's typical Saturday mornings, they would think us ALL to be insane. My little brothers and sisters always begin their Saturday mornings with techno music, regardless of the fact that I don't prefer listening to "We Like to Party" and "I Like to Move It" as I sit groggy-eyed over my Cheerios at six in the morning. But hey, I'll give whatever it takes to get the kids up and at their chores, I suppose.

Quote: "There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line." Oscar Levant.
Oh, and one more - "Insanity: a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world".
Current Music: "The Drunken Piper" by Natalie MacMaster and "Mushaboom" by Feist

"I Shall Not Pass This Way Again"

2008-08-22T09:41:00.001-07:00

I haven't written in a while. It seems I can't decide what to write, what to focus on. . . because this has been the week of partings. I suppose I can find the good in it if I look, but to be honest, at the moment, it hurts. Bleh.
However, I can be glad that I've been able to see friends before they leave. Last night I visited Kendall Sirrine as he opened his mission call, and talked to Trevor before he left. An last Saturday night we (Sarah, Daniel, Rachel, Ryan, Aaron, and I) spent a slap-happy evening at Ryan's house - er, should I say, the girls went crazy on the couch while our dear and patient guy friends kinda went along with it. We read jokes from Reader's Digest (my goodness) and teased Ryan about his swollen jaw, and just talked. I laughed at everything - or rather, laughed at absolutely nothing at all.
And then, as I pulled into the driveway on my way home, realization hit me, realization of what everything - graduation, all our "last huzzahs" of the summer, the mission call openings, etc - has all been leading to. Separation. Life paths diverging. Not that I mind life paths diverging, mind you; what a terrible journey life would be if they didn't! But I mind the fact that not only are all our lives going their separate ways, but they most likely will never converge together again. Friends are off to BYU, ASU, U of A, missions, and more. All good things. But most won't be coming back, at least not to stay. It saddens me, and makes me afraid.
Why am I so afraid?
I don't want to be this way. Maybe I'm afraid because paths will never cross in passing. Maybe I'm afraid of never finding people as amazing and incredible as those that I've been surrounded with in high school. Maybe my idea of my identity was too closely wrapped up in my circle of friends. Maybe I'm feeling I've got nothing on my own without my friends. Maybe it's the idea of not being needed, of not being depended on. Maybe it's that I've let myself be myself with my friends, and now I don't know how to go back to the person I was.
I know, I know. Such is life. The more you love the more it hurts when life happens.
BUT.
Thank goodness for loving more. Thank goodness for the blessing of good friends, even if it doesn't last. I read a quote the other day: "Time is a sort of river of passing events, and strong is its current; no sooner is a thing brought to sight than it is swept by and another takes its place, and this too will be swept away." Thank goodness that the Lord knows what he's doing and keeps the river flowing, because if things were to happen the way my heart's feeling, if I were to desperately cling to all the threads of high school life, the water would stagnate. And even though it's not the same, it's important to remember that just because friends leave in location doesn't mean friendships can't last.

Quote: "If you dam a river it stagnates. Running water is beautiful water. So be a channel." - English Proverb
Current Music I'm listening to: "The Call" by Regina Spektor (so fitting, and one of my favorite songs) and Rachmaninoff Vocalise by Bobby McFerrin and Yo-Yo Ma

Relief Society and licenses and children, oh my!

2008-08-11T15:43:00.001-07:00

What a week for changes! I've had a couple of major changes going on this week:
The first one has been more of a gradual change, but it is still a big change nonetheless. Three weeks ago I graduated from the Young Women's Program. No longer can I take a left turn from the chapel to join the chattering girls, getting everything from talks on dating to elaborate table displays to scrap-booked trimmed handouts. Now, I take a right turn, and join the chattering ladies of the Relief Soceity, getting everything from talks on marriage *deep shudders* to elaborate table displays to an endless stream of scrap-book trimmed signup clipboards. It's been a few weeks, but I definitely think that it's going to take a few more weeks - or months - until I stop feeling so out-of-place. Don't get me wrong, they are wonderful women . . . and chatty and friendly. . . and from a different universe, one that is definitely about my plane of existence.
Change number two (Drumroll) . . . I finally got my license! I was terrified to take the test, but my friends were right in that it was not as bad as I expected. I'll be honest, I'm not a good driver. Yet. But at least I have a license now, and at least I'm out of the endless red tape lines of the DMV (it was good to get out of there for another reason too, seeing as I was asked out while in line by a stranger, a motorcycle guy. . . a little awkward to tell the truth. . .)
And the other major change hasn't happened for sure, but will hopefully happen tomorrow: Our family will bring two more foster children into our home! We are keeping our fingers crossed that Keith (age 6) and Isabella (age 3, I think) will fit with our family dynamics. I'll post more on this one tomorrow!

Quote: "I know a lot about cars. I can look at a car's headlights and tell you exactly which way they're going." - Mitch Hedberg
Current Music: Viva La Vida by Coldplay

First Post

2008-08-10T20:29:00.000-07:00

So . . . I've converted. Succumbed. Yielded to the temptation of blogging. Ought I to be ashamed of myself for wasting time and conforming to the popular culture of putting our lives on the line (quite literally, online), or give in to being not-so-secretly excited about having the chance to write my thoughts out for others to see?

Well. I'll decide that soon enough, and see how long I end up paying attention to this blog. As for now, I am using this as an excuse to brush up on my writing. I have not meddled with creative writing since junior year in high school, nor have I kept a journal in at least a year; I feel that it's been too long. So perhaps this blog is the best way to reawaken an ability to write that DEFINITELY can use some improvement.

If this blog ends up being too full of mundane everyday occurences, please, dear readers, let me know. Give me critique, criticism, conversation, on both my writing style and content.

Not only will I use this blog for writing practice, but I will use it to follow the counsel of Elder Eyering from the 2007 October Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints: to remember, remember, how I have seen the hand of God blessing my life (to see the talk, go to http://lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-775-24,00.html). The Lord has truly blessed my life, and I have seen his Hand guiding me, particularly this summer more than at any other time. I feel like I am off to a new start, and I can't wait to see what life has in store for me!

Quote: "I wrote down a few lines every day for years. I never missed a day no matter how tired I was or how early I would have to start the next day. Before I would write, I would ponder this question: “Have I seen the hand of God reaching out to touch us or our children or our family today?” As I kept at it, something began to happen. As I would cast my mind over the day, I would see evidence of what God had done for one of us that I had not recognized in the busy moments of the day. As that happened, and it happened often, I realized that trying to remember had allowed God to show me what He had done."

Current Music: Lex de Azevedo's A Mighty Fortress Is Our God